In this episode of BetterSex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes guest Alex Iantaffi, co-author of ‘Understanding Your Relationship.’ They discuss the concept of 17 different types of intimacy, exploring their importance and how individuals can prioritize and integrate them within relationships. Alex shares their journey into the field of sex and relationship therapy, highlighting their perspectives influenced by neurodivergence and personal experiences. The conversation delves into the essence of relationships, communication, trust, and the need for expanded perspectives on intimacy. The episode emphasizes choosing relationship dynamics that best suit individual needs and avoiding societal pressures to conform to specific norms.
00:00 Introduction to BetterSex Podcast
00:47 Exploring Different Types of Intimacy
01:17 Guest Introduction: Alex Iantaffi
01:24 Alex’s Journey into Relationship Studies
04:57 The Origin and Purpose of the Book
09:24 Understanding Intimacy Assessments
13:45 Challenging Cultural Norms in Relationships
15:58 Expansiveness and Choice in Relationships
20:41 Break and Resources for Desire Discrepancy
21:23 Exploring Non-Monogamy and Intimacy
21:57 The Dangers of Romantic Ideals
23:30 Increased Visibility of Non-Monogamy
25:52 Decolonizing Love and Relationships
29:15 Foundational Relationship Skills
35:51 Improving Sexual Intimacy
37:50 Conclusion and Resources
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
BIO:
Alex Iantaffi, PhD, MS, SEP, CST, CST-S, LMFT (they/he/lui) is an award-winning author, family therapist, WPATH certified gender specialist, AASECT certified sex therapist, Somatic ExperiencingⓇ practitioner, and clinical supervisor. Alex is currently President of the Minnesota Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (MAMFT) and Past Chair of the Trans and Queer interest network of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). They were the recipient of the 2023 AASECT Humanitarian Award, the 2019 MAMFT Distinguished Service Award, the 2013 Twin Cities Deaf Pride Community Organization Award, the 2012 Breaking the Silence Award at the University of Minnesota, and the 2000 Best Dissertation Award from the British Educational Research Association. Alex has researched, presented and published extensively on gender, disability, sexuality, relationships, and HIV. They are a trans masculine, nonbinary, bi queer, neurodivergent, disabled, Italian immigrant who has been living on Dakota and Anishinaabe territories, currently known as Minnesota (US) since 2008. Alex is the author of “Gender Trauma: healing cultural, social, and historical gendered trauma”, which was awarded the Nautilus award (gold category) in 2022 and the AASECT Book Award for Sexuality Professionals in 2023. They are the co-author of the books “How to Understand Your Gender: a practical guide for exploring who you are”, “Life Isn’t Binary”, “Hell Yeah Self-Care: a Trauma-Informed Workbook”, “How To Understand Your Sexuality: a practical guide for exploring who you are” and the upcoming “How to Understand Your Relationships”, with Meg-John Barker, and editor of the upcoming “Trans and Disabled” anthology. They also host the podcast Gender Stories. You can find out more about them at www.alexiantaffi.com or follow them on Instagram @xtaffi and @genderstories