Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman answers a listener question about what to do when both partners have low desire for sex. She explains that if both people are happy not having sex, there is no problem to solve. If the couple wants sex to be part of their relationship but neither experiences spontaneous desire or initiates, she recommends understanding and working with reactive desire—where interest may arise only after getting started. Zimmerman suggests intentionally creating time for gentle physical connection and finding a slow “on-ramp” that feels good, such as talking, sipping tea, cuddling, caressing, or massage, then seeing where it goes. She emphasizes communicating about what feels good in the moment and allowing that it won’t always lead to arousal or sex, but that even occasional success increases sexual connection.
00:00 Show Intro
00:46 Today’s Listener Question
01:35 No Sex Is Okay
02:13 Understanding Reactive Desire
03:00 Create Intentional On Ramps
03:45 Communicate and Remove Pressure
04:13 Key Takeaway and Wrap
04:38 Outro and Credits