385: 5 love languages in the bedroom

Apr 27, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast

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Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Krish Phua, a certified sexologist and intimacy and sexual wellness therapist at Underneath the Moon Singapore, about applying Gary Chapman’s five love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts) to erotic connection. They address the common misconception that “physical touch” simply means sex or entitles someone to it, emphasizing that physical touch includes many non-sexual forms of contact and that sex involves more than touch alone. Krish frames love languages in three layers—how we express love, how we want to receive it, and how we love ourselves—arguing self-love and self-awareness underpin erotic connection. He shares practical bedroom examples for physical touch (non-goal-oriented body mapping, post-climax connection), acts of service (preparing a calming space), and highlights the power of words of affirmation. They also discuss rebuilding safety, curiosity, and communication to reduce performance pressure.

00:00 Show Intro
00:45 Episode Setup
01:53 Love Languages Basics
04:15 Touch Is Not Sex
05:13 Erotic Connection Map
07:52 Three Layers Framework
09:46 Bedroom Examples
11:26 Substack Invite
13:42 Reconnecting As A Couple
18:25 All Five In Bed
20:04 Words Of Affirmation
21:42 Gifts And Generosity
22:23 Where To Find Krish
23:26 Podcast Outro

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Bio:

Krish Phua is a registered Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Intimacy and Sexual Wellness Therapist and certified Clinical Supervisor. He is also a Board-Certified Diplomate and Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology.

Since 2013, Krish has served in diverse settings such as counselling centres, recovery centres, clinics, therapy centres, hospitals, prisons, halfway houses, special schools and educational institutions. He provides therapy in individual, couple, family and group contexts, and has facilitated mental health talks and workshops for varied communities.

Krish is also an appointed Adjunct Faculty (Lecturer) for counselling and psychology subjects in private educational institutions for adult learners. He regularly publishes professional insights and reflections through blog articles.

Krish holds a Master’s degree in Social Science (Professional Counselling) and Master’s degree in Business Administration (International Management).

Fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese, Krish integrates multicultural perspectives into his therapeutic and academic work.

www.underneaththemoon.com