In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains that couples may be pushed into growth by external changes (such as shifts in sexual functioning or illness) or by complacency, routine, and unspoken dissatisfaction when someone avoids “rocking the boat” until it becomes urgent. She reframes these moments as normal opportunities to adapt, refocus, experiment, and reconnect, and reassures listeners that intense effort is usually temporary and leads back to renewed comfort.
00:00 Show Intro
00:45 On the Road Setup
01:09 Comfort and Growth Cycles
01:39 How Growth Creates Comfort
02:39 What Triggers Growth
02:46 Change and Health Events
03:15 Complacency and Avoidance
04:20 Reframing Crisis as Opportunity
04:50 Reassurance and Takeaways
05:08 Outro and Credits