396: Using NLP to Improve Intimacy

Jun 8, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Published Authors

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Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Josh Davis about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as practical, research-supported tools drawn from psychotherapy to improve mindset, communication, and relationship dynamics around intimacy and sex. Davis explains NLP’s origins and introduces “well-formed outcomes,” including focusing on what’s in your control, stating goals positively, specifying context, making goals measurable, and addressing internal “ecological” pushback. They discuss desire discrepancy and how shifting from outcome goals to process goals can reduce resentment and improve connection. Davis shares strategies like assuming every behavior has a positive intention to reduce resistance and find win-wins, and “meeting your partner where they are” to earn the right to influence. He also describes choosing emotional states intentionally via memories and reframing changes as experiments, and shares where to find his book and dad-focused programs.

00:00 Show Intro
00:45 Meet Josh Davis
01:36 What Is NLP
02:15 Origins of NLP
04:51 Why Josh Teaches Dads
05:30 Quick NLP Takeaways
06:44 Control What You Can
08:18 Desire Discrepancy Example
11:56 Letting Go of Outcomes
13:45 Well Formed Outcomes
14:42 Positive Goals and Context
16:47 Measurable and Ecological
19:16 Partner Resistance Intentions
22:24 Assume Positive Intent
23:28 Curious Questions Not Criticism
24:05 Meet Them Where They Are
26:17 Join Their Energy
28:04 Intimacy When Things Go Wrong
28:44 Choose Your Emotional State
31:34 Love As An Experiment
35:33 Memories Versus Thoughts
37:17 Programs Book And Resources
38:57 Final Takeaway And Wrap

Jessa’s resources for desire discrepancy: https://www.desirediscrepancy.com

Bio:
Josh Davis, PhD is co-author of the USA Today bestseller, The Difference that Makes the Difference, and author of the international bestseller, Two Awesome Hours. He is a dad of three, a master practitioner and trainer in NLP (neurolinguistic programming), and the founder and director of the Science-Based Leadership Institute. He’s also a former Ivy League professor and teacher in a “last chance” public high school. He studied engineering at Brown University, and holds a PhD from Columbia University, where he studied psychology and neuroscience.

He specializes in taking lessons from science and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) and making them easy to understand and simple to apply to everyday needs. His passion now, as someone who loves being a dad, is in teaching NLP to Dads and coaching dads to use NLP and the science of change so that as many fathers, families, and kids as possible can have amazing lives.
He has also helped many corporate clients, including Goldman Sachs, Hasbro, IDEO, Lululemon, M&T Bank, and more, to apply NLP and the science of change to leadership.

His writing has appeared in HBR, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and other leading business and academic journals, and his contributions have been covered by various major news sources including The Wall Street Journal, The Financial Times, and The Times of London. He is also frequently a guest on podcasts and radio.

www.joshdavisphd.com/dads