401: Signs you may be headed for divorce

Jun 29, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Published Authors

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Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist and divorce support group leader Oona Metz about how emotional and sexual disconnection often contributes to divorce, drawing on Metz’s 15 years of work with hundreds of women and her book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. They discuss common drivers of divorce (abuse, affairs, addiction), plus inequality in parenting/household labor, partner passivity, and later-life coming out, and highlight early warning signs like intimacy fading after children, conversations becoming logistics-only, relationships turning “too hot” with constant conflict or “too cold” with shutdown, mounting resentment, and a partner devoting all free time to a hobby. They cover why women initiate most divorces, the shame and practical barriers around leaving, and post-divorce growth through self-reflection, avoiding rebound relationships, clarifying needs, and examining family-of-origin patterns, emphasizing that staying in toxic marriages can harm children’s view of love.

00:00 Show Intro
00:48 Meet Oona Metz
02:41 Why Marriages End
05:12 Kids and Connection Drift
07:22 Hot vs Cold Marriages
09:50 Disengagement Warning Signs
11:10 Hobbies as Escape Hatch
14:24 Midroll and Ways to Work
14:52 Why Women Initiate Divorce
17:00 Stigma Kids and Culture
18:03 Healing After Divorce
20:56 Dating Yourself First
23:43 What Could Save It
26:58 For the Kids and Closing
28:47 Where to Find Oona
29:53 Podcast Outro

Interested in working with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.com

Bio:

Oona Metz is a nationally recognized psychotherapist and the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women (Gallery Books / Simon & Schuster), which debuted to remarkable acclaim. Her work—spanning more than 30 years—focuses on the tender, complicated realities of heartbreak, self-abandonment, and starting over. Unhitched was praised on CBS Mornings by Gayle King, featured in Maria Shriver’s newsletter, excerpted exclusively in TIME, and spotlighted on CBS News and NPR’s Morning Edition. The book quickly became a top divorce title on Amazon. Oona is known for her wise, grounded, deeply human approach that blends clinical expertise with relatable storytelling, making her a powerful voice on modern relationships, emotional recovery, boundaries, and the psychology of change.