In this soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains why effective communication requires holding our “reality” loosely, since perception is filtered and interpreted by the brain, and partners often experience the same event differently. She describes a process of sharing each person’s story to feel seen, take accountability, and problem-solve—while emphasizing it only works when both partners communicate in good faith and “cop to” harmful intent when it exists. Zimmerman outlines signs of good-faith engagement: openness to feedback, curiosity about your perspective, empathy, accountability and apologies, and willingness to change behavior. She contrasts this with gaslighting and bad-faith conflict behaviors like insisting they’re right, dismissing or belittling your experience, blaming you, and refusing self-questioning or change. She also applies these ideas to microaggressions, noting the need for openness and behavior change even when bias is unintentional.
00:00 Show Intro
00:44 Soapbox Topic Setup
01:26 Why Perception Misleads
02:44 Holding Reality Loosely
03:45 Good Faith Requirement
04:53 Signs of Good Faith
06:25 Gaslighting Red Flags
08:25 Microaggressions Nuance
09:48 Wrap Up and Outro