411: The Book of Ecstasy: Finding Joy and Connection

Aug 10, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Published Authors

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Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Barbara Carrellas, author of The Book of Ecstasy, about ecstasy as a transformative state that goes beyond pleasure, sex, and orgasm into connection, awe, and ego-dissolution. Carrellas describes how her work was shaped during the AIDS crisis in 1980s New York, where grief and catharsis often fueled joy, and explains ecstasy as a reset button that can be personally, spiritually, socially, and politically important. They discuss how ecstasy can arise through many experiences (including dancing, food, protest, nature, birth, and death), how intensity can help by balancing safety and risk, and how skills like breath, grounding, and intention support ecstatic states. Carrellas offers beginner practices—listing nonsexual turn-ons, meditating on “something more,” and embracing one’s inner teenager—and shares resources on her website.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:48 Meet Barbara Carrellas
01:34 AIDS Crisis Origins
03:51 Tragedy and Ecstasy
05:21 Awe and Ego Dissolution
06:46 Defining Ecstasy
08:41 Everyday Ecstatic Life
11:48 Joy as Resistance
14:21 Ecstasy as Spiritual Practice
15:33 Connection Me We Us
18:03 Host Resources Break
18:41 Ecstasy Not A Contest
19:52 Speaking The Same Language
21:43 Kink Safety And Risk
24:14 Breath Energy Orgasms
25:34 Beyond Sex And Politics
27:50 Psychedelics And Everyday Ecstasy
29:12 Solo Practice With A Partner
33:08 Beginner Steps To Ecstasy
35:45 Books Resources And Farewell

Want to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.com

Bio:
Barbara Carrellas (she/her) is the bestselling author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century and the upcoming Book of Ecstasy, from St. Martin’s Essentials. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra®, an international community, a philosophy, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice that encourages people of all genders and sexual preferences to expand their capacity for both pleasure and spiritual fulfillment. Barbara was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine, and was presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Sexual Freedom Awards in London. Barbara is a proud graduate of the Coney Island Sideshow School with a double major in fire eating and snake handling.