413: Stigma, Shame, and Sex

Aug 24, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast

Click to Listen on Substack

Host Jessa Zimmerman interviews New York City sex therapist and trainer Sari Cooper about how sexual stigma and shame are shaped by culture, religion, family dynamics, and implicit messages like silence or lack of affection modeling. Cooper shares her background from a liberal upbringing and modern dance into a helping profession where sex felt taboo, and discusses nuanced bicultural and first-generation experiences, including how differing immigration stories within the same culture can affect sexual expectations. They explore how shame can show up in issues like masturbation and orgasm avoidance, and how the internet can both improve access to sex education and distort expectations through porn and social media trends. Cooper describes helping clients evaluate which rituals and beliefs remain meaningful without dismissing heritage, emphasizes taking a thorough sexual history and practicing curiosity in couples work, and explains her Erotic Intimacy Academy training (SEEIT) and the value of SAR-style self-exploration for therapists.

00:00 Show Intro
00:44 Meet Sari Cooper
01:26 Why Stigma Matters
03:56 Culture Religion Messages
07:19 Family Silence Modeling
10:42 Rituals And First Period
13:13 Hidden Shame In Therapy
15:31 Internet Porn Social Shifts
19:24 Midroll Quiz Break
19:50 Gen Z Sex Dating Choices
21:29 Parenthood Decisions Trauma
22:51 Family Trauma And Genetics
23:30 Dating Apps And Disconnection
25:01 Avoiding Apps After Burnout
25:20 Shame Stigma And Culture
28:43 Purity Culture And Loss
31:36 Couples Across Cultures
34:33 Sex Seam Model And Training
35:52 Therapist Comfort And SAR
38:04 Where To Find Sari
39:35 Podcast Wrap Up

Jessa’s quizzes are available at https://www.desirediscepancy.com

Bio:

Sari Cooper is an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Supervisor and Founder and Director of the Center for Love and Sex (CLS), a boutique group practice specializing in sex therapy, couples counseling, and individual clients challenged with erotic and sexual disorders. She created Sex Esteem, LLC to provide coaching, books, blogs, and Talks to the public on critical, cutting-edge insight on how to center one’s sexual pleasure in dating, ‘relationshipping,’ and mating. Her Sex Esteem® blog has been read by over 1,000,000 readers, and you can follow her @saricooperofficial on Instagram and FB and on Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/-sari-cooper-center-for-love-and-sex.

www.centerforloveandsex.com