Host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman addresses “sex that’s not worth having,” focusing on situations where a lower-desire partner begrudgingly offers sex with clear disinterest, disconnect, or even hostility. She distinguishes this from reactive desire, where someone starts with openness to getting in the mood. Zimmerman explains that going through the motions is unfulfilling for both partners, can push the lower-desire partner further from desire, and reinforces the belief that the higher-desire partner only wants release. She recommends turning down or stopping sex when it feels like work, trudging, or checking out, and communicating in a grounded, collaborative way that sex needs to work for both people. The goal is to insist on conversations and change that help both partners find reasons to genuinely want intimacy.
00:00 Show Intro
00:46 Sex Not Worth Having
01:21 Reactive Desire Vs Duty Sex
02:12 When Sex Feels Hostile
03:52 Why Accepting Hurts Both
04:51 How To Say No Kindly
05:40 Insist On Mutual Pleasure
06:10 Outro And Next Steps