#160 – Sizzling Sex Across the Lifespan – Michael Castleman

#160 – Sizzling Sex Across the Lifespan – Michael Castleman

Listen to “160: Sizzling Sex Across the Lifespan – Michael Castleman” on Spreaker.

Sizzling Sex Across the Lifespan 

Michael Castleman is a journalist that has been writing specifically about sexuality since 2005. He is also the author of Sizzling Sex across the Lifespan, covering the good bad and ugly bits about the subject. His book contains 25 actual medical studies and is based on facts.  

Common Sexual Issues 

Poor ejaculatory control is one of his best-selling subjects and you can find his e-book ‘ The  Cure for Premature Ejaculation’ on his website. He discusses how differently men and women think about sex and provides advice for men to help improve the statistic that only 20% of women reach orgasm.  

We learn that desire difference is also a main difference with couples which is not often reported. Michael talks about sexual pain and the high number of women that suffer with it even to the extent of not knowing the medical term for it and accepting it as ‘normal.’ 

If you are experiencing tension or stress around desire discrepancy, check out my free webinar – How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressure or obligation at https://www.intimacywithease.com/training 

The Effects of Porn 

Michael refers to masturbation and how kids are deterred from this behavior instead of being taught to understand it and enjoy it into adulthood.  He mentions statistics that reveal 25% of the porn audience is female and despite popular belief, porn does not increase incidence of rape or disrespect of women, while teens have become more sexually responsible since pornography on the internet.  

Michael agrees that porn results in masturbation and sexual miseducation. Debunking myths, he affirms that porn does not affect men’s ability to become aroused. He mentions the refractory period and shares how this should be understood in order to manage our bodies. He discusses arousal and how it changes across one’s lifetime. 

Links and Resources 

http://www.greatsexguidance.com 

Background 

Michael Castleman is a journalist and sex counselor. Writing since 1974, he is the world’s most popular sex writer, covering sexuality, sex research, and sex therapy, helping people everywhere enjoy great sex. 

#159 – Erotic Blueprints – DD Haeg

#159 – Erotic Blueprints – DD Haeg

Listen to “159: Erotic Blueprints – DD Haeg” on Spreaker.

Erotic Blueprints 

On this episode we hear from DD Haeg who tells about the 5 Erotic Blueprints. She explains that this is a map/ language for how to turn each other on. They consist of the following: 

  • Energetics : Like to be teased, enjoy anticipation and prefer lighter touch. A sense of spaciousness appeals to them. 
  • Sensual: These blueprints indulge in all their senses be engaged. Ambience and candles work for them, and they love to be completely engaged. 
  • Sexuals: Respond to very direct sexual gestures, love nudity and quickies! 
  • Kinky: These types respond to things that are taboo and will find a power dynamic often at play. 
  • Shape Shifters: love everything!

DD mentions that sexuals and energetics are the most difficult pairing one could find. 

Stacking Erotic Blueprints 

People have one main blueprint and also elements of the others- this is called a stack. 

If this is new to you, DD suggests  that you take her quiz to help you figure our which blueprint is your main blueprint and then understand your stack. 

Learning about your stack helps understand the sequence that works for you and this can really help unlock different things you may enjoy. DD discusses the shadow side of these blueprints and what the purpose of knowing your blueprint is. Ultimately this creates a deeper connection between couples. 

What works for each blueprint 

    • Energetics love eye gazing and anticipation. A text message is an example of this. 
    • Sexuals love nudity so a selfie might help. 
    • Sensuals would love an essential oil bath. 
    • Kinky is very dependent on the partner you have!
    • Shapeshifter would love all these things. 

Links and Resources 

Find out more about her Pleasure code program on her website: https://ddhaeg.com/ 

Take her quiz: https://ry308.isrefer.com/go/EBBCQUIZDHAEG/dhaeg/

For my free webinar, How to Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT making them feel pressure or obligation, go herehttps://www.intimacywithease.com/training 

Background 

DD Haeg is an international retreat leader, embodiment educator and certified erotic blueprint coach. She’s the founder of The Pleasure Code,™ empowering retreats and online programs that tap into the principles of permission, pleasure and play to help women shift out of overwhelm and into more juiciness and joy.  

Over the last two decades, DD has travelled to 35 countries, taught hundreds of yoga and meditation classes, and taken more than 1000 hours of pleasure-focused training including Orgasmic Meditation, tantra, massage therapy, and more. She holds a master’s degree in intercultural studies and currently lives in Denver with her two kiddos. 

#158 – Disability, Sex, and Creativity – Kate Wolovsky

#158 – Disability, Sex, and Creativity – Kate Wolovsky

Listen to “158: Disability, Sex, and Creativity – Kate Wolovsky” on Spreaker.

Disability, Sex and Creativity 

On this episode, we learn how to maximize connection and pleasure if you are affected by physical barriers. Kate Wolovsky shares her story being affected with MS and still having a happy sex life despite this condition. 

Disability Affects More Than Your Physical Body 

Kate shares that having a disabled body early on in life led to a lot of shame. She also shares her husband’s story as a completely disabled person, expanding on how disability extends from physical to emotional as well. 

She refers to Dr Kinsey’s approach to research and how people react from physical trauma. We don’t need to ask about a traumatic event to know what the impact of it is. Indicators can be found in other areas of peoples lives through their emotions, sex lives, and interactions  – according to her. 

She sheds light on the difficulties disabled people have with even their medical professionals not being equipped to talk to them or understand them as normal people, which is something she is working on through her surveys. 

Learning to Talk to Your Providers 

Kate mentions that people struggling with disabilities are unsure of what they can ask and that’s where she plays a key role in helping people. Kate lightheartedly advocates that disabled people are sexy and uses the word “adumbptions” to describe dumb assumptions made about disabled people. 

Kate strongly encourages more meaningful conversations with disabled people pointing out that conversations with disabled people can be broached the same way as able-bodied people. She discusses where the blocks are and how she and her husband try to alleviate these issues. Their surveys are an example of this. She suggests that you participate in their survey which is used to gather information to help you educate your providers.  

What’s the same for everyone 

Consent is important for everyone. Innovation in all aspects of your life. She mentions furniture that works for you or using zoom to keep your relationship alive. In addition to this, she mentions not allowing social media to dictate what YOUR body should look like. “Whatever your body does, its OK” 

Free Webinar 

If you’re interested in our on-going free webinar – How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated – you can sign up here. 

Background 

Kate is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, clinical researcher, speaker, writer, and advocate, specializing in disability, sexuality, and traumatic stress. Kate sheds light into these marginalized realities, and exposes the gaps in knowledge, training, and professional care that “other” or exclude people from accessing full enjoyment of their life.  

Kate is a Clinical Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute Trauma Stress Research Consortium at Indiana University, where Kate is the co-author of a new, international, inclusive survey study, Body Mind, & COVID-19 that offers people of all backgrounds an opportunity to share how the COVID-19 pandemic has affected all aspects of their life (including sexual pleasure and sexual health) and what is important to them as we all search for answers about how to stay connected while physically isolated.  

Since the beginning of the pandemic, Kate is increasingly in demand as a subject-matter expert on disability, chronic illness, sexuality, and traumatic stress with an embodied experience of navigating all sides of the healthcare system, academia, and both in person and online. Kate offers professional consultation, customized training, and advocates for nurturing connection and evolving opportunities for healthcare providers and the communities they serve. 

Social media post (if needed): 

While so many of us are physically distant or isolated, you can share your personal stories and take our survey: Knsy.in/COVIDsation 

Links and Resources 

https://www.disabledduo.com/ 

#157 – Body Image Liberation – KaRonna Lynn

#157 – Body Image Liberation – KaRonna Lynn

Listen to “157: Body Image Liberation – KaRonna Lynn” on Spreaker.

Body Image Liberation 

Liberation guide KaRonna Lynn, deals with body image obstacles. Liberation to KaRonna is about following what is liberating to you and not necessarily what society has defined as liberating. Most of her work is around body image but it is not confined to this. 

Three Pronged Approach to Body Image Liberation

KaRonna discusses her three-pronged approach which includes, the physical body, our mental space and the culture we grew up in. Her work entails helping people unpack these things to understand her clients better. She emphasizes that this is a personal journey for each person and therefore each client needs to answer the question “How do you want this to change?”   

Fat? 

KaRonna Lynn shares her thoughts around people with body image concerns related to fat. She feels that people can be healthy at every size and that fat is purely a descriptor, especially since she has been through many diets and her own personal journey with weight. She rejects the idea that being healthy means being in a small, thin body. 

When approached by clients that struggle with weight loss and have a goal to lose weight in order to enjoy their sex lives, KaRonna reveals the underlying message within her clients being “I need to change myself to be accepted. ” According to her, this bleeds into other areas of your life, and she finds that people are constantly trying to make others happy with the results not lasting forever. The secret to success is accepting yourself and allowing others to accept you as you are too. 

Body Issues In Existing Relationships 

Struggling with body image in an existing relationship can steer a relationship into difficulty as this can be a sensitive subject. KaRonna advises us to tackle this openly with our partners and work on how to move our sex lives into a new place and work with what our new bodies look like as opposed to changing our bodies. Physical attraction is only a piece of attraction and there are other areas we can focus our attraction to. 

What it feels like to be Liberated 

KaRonna explains how this may feel and what to expect when you experience liberation. If you have been conscious of your dress size, your eating habits, other peoples thoughts about your weight and looks, KaRonna explains that liberation would be when those thoughts no longer exist. Your automatic reactions to other people stop revolving around YOUR appearance or your body. 

Background  

KaRonna is a Liberation Guide. With intuitive gifts, years of untangling herself from toxic beliefs, and a clinically focused Masters of Social Work, KaRonna connects the dots between the physical (our bodies), the mental (our thoughts), and the social (our systems & cultures) at the core of body image struggles, in order to help people find deep personal liberation & body confidence.  

Links and Resources 

https://karonnalynn.com/ 

#156 – The 5 Seasons of Connection – Leanne Kabat

#156 – The 5 Seasons of Connection – Leanne Kabat

Listen to “156: The 5 Seasons of Connection – Leanne Kabat” on Spreaker.

The 5 Seasons of Connection 

On this episode, we hear about Leanne Kabat’s personal journey. Faced with an illness and a young family, she found clarity and direction on how to choose to get out of chaos or conflict. She discusses what she calls the five seasons, what they mean and how to get to the “Summer” that we all love and need.   

Dealing with Issues 

She shares Spring cleaning methods that different people prefer in order to resolve difficult situations. Glossing things over is not an option, as the reference of Spring cleaning  implies. She emphasizes getting dirty, uncovering painful or hidden issues in your relationship and dealing with it. 

Her Book 

Leeanne talks about her book and how she initially thought it was going to be about the other person in her relationships but finding that its actually about yourself. She also shares her discovery about multiple layers to intimacy as opposed to a blanket idea. It also covers levels of awareness in your relationship. Her book delves into unpacking all your issues and difficult moments to connect and instead of holding hurt, growing your relationship from it. 

Categories of Intimacy 

Leanne discusses these 7 categories in more detail in her book. The point of these categories is for people to try and connect on as many levels as possible. 

  • Emotional 
  • Spiritual- which can be anything you connect with on a deeper level eg religion, nature, etc.
  • Physical- is separated from sexual as Leanne highlights that it can be used outside of foreplay and not requiring a sexual act back. It can be used to communicate love and affection apart from sex 
  • Intellectual 
  • Financial 
  • Experiential- She explains the experiential category as the many areas you and your partner have common threads that enhance connection. 
  • Sexual  

Background 

Leanne Kabat is an international speaker and author of The 5 Seasons of Connection collection. Her books take us right into those crucial minute-by-minute interactions where we either draw closer together or push further apart. When we understand our seasons, we can transform our relationships from conflicted to connected by confidently moving out of the cold, dark, stormy  

Winters towards love, happiness, and sunny Summer days. Her first book customizes this system for parents, her second book helps entrepreneurs who battle with doubt, anxiety, mental blocks and imposter syndrome, and her third book is for couples. The 5 Seasons of Connection to Your Love Partner goes into the most profound adult relationship we have, guiding couples out of Winter and towards their deepest love and truest connection. 

Leanne developed the 5 Seasons framework as a result of a medical diagnosis in 2006 that gave her five years to live, challenging her to truly live a life she loved. Fourteen years later, she’s happily raising three teens and excited to visit her 50th country when it’s safe to do so.  

Links and Resources 

Links: www.5SeasonsLife.com 

Books: www.5SeasonsLife.com/books  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leannekabat/ 

 

Jessa’s Webinar 

intimacywithease.com/training 

#155 – Sex and the Developmentally Disabled – Richelle Fribotta

#155 – Sex and the Developmentally Disabled – Richelle Fribotta

Listen to “155: Sex and the Developmentally Disabled – Richelle Fribotta” on Spreaker.

Sex and the Developmentally Disabled 

On this episode, you will hear from Richelle Fribotta.  Richelle discusses her work teaching people with developmental and intellectual disabilities about sex. While there are many misconceptions around whether people with DD are even able to understand or participate in sex, Richelle clears up these myths. 

Compared to years ago, we learn that there is more activity around sexual education for DD people. Richelle works anywhere that has a need but her main visits currently are institutions.  

Advice for Parents 

For any parent trying to educate their kids about sex whether they suffer with DD or not, it can be a difficult journey. She approaches DD kids in a similar way to non DD kids, advising parents or caregivers to firstly open up and be approachable before trying to find a curriculum to share with their kids. 

Misconceptions 

With many misconceptions out there, Richelle mentions just a few she comes across. Her work has led her to people who think sex ed cannot be taught to DD people and that people with an IQ under 70 are not sexual. Some she says, fear that broaching the topic would lead to people with DD looking to explore it in inappropriate ways. 

Outcomes 

Richelle points out her firm message around consent, age difference and sex with non humans, re-iterating that these are her hard lines and that she communicates this very clearly to her students.  She also focuses on Increasing communication skills and how to say no, as well as prevention. For people that want to deliver sexual information to people with DD, she equips them with teaching methods. 

What to leave out 

According to Richelle,  reading her students developmental age versus chronological age determines a lot of her content. Teaching where students are and reading them is a major part of her method. Richelle does not use lecture format and infuses pleasure into her lessons. There is no set prioritization in the order or learning as she deals with her students wherever they are. 

Background 

Richelle has been a professional community-based Sexuality Educator since 1992 when she was employed at Planned Parenthood (Dayton, Ohio). First certified as a Sexuality Educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educator Counselors and Therapists in 1996, she is also a CSE Supervisor since its inception in 2014. She teaches a multitude of subjects that are human sexuality to many populations and in various venues: 4th – 12th graders, higher education institutions, public, private and non-profit organizations, faith communities, alcohol and drug rehabilitation facilities, jails…anywhere she is invited. When training colleagues and those working in human services, she emphasizes that sexuality education should be taught from a medically accurately and research-informed, compassionate, person-centred lens with methods that are developmentally relevant, culturally inclusive while grounded in social justice praxis and a code of ethics. She never forgets that teaching also means learning. 

Richelle is most proud of her focus on individuals with divergent learning styles. She has authored curricula, trained staff, provided group education to parents, caregivers and self-advocates, and consultation services for folks in the Intellectual -Developmental Disabilities, Learning Disabilities, Autism Spectrum, and Traumatic Brain Injury communities. Most notably in 1997, she established a full-service sexuality education program for an Ohio County Board of DD. Richelle works with State of Ohio DODD, Council of Governments (COGs), Superintendents, and other invested professionals to offer multiple on-going education services throughout Ohio. Her most current work is with self-advocates in Oklahoma and training developmental center staff in Ohio. Both projects endeavor to establish local “sexperts” who co-author and train about quality of life and equity-based topics that are human sexuality. 

Currently, Richelle occupies Miami University (Oxford, Ohio) where she is Coordinating the Dennis L. Carlson Sexuality Education Studies Center; Instructing in the Family Science and Social Work Department; and wrapping up her doctoral program, Leadership, Culture and Curriculum. Her 28+ years of experiences in providing education services informs her research. Richelle’s scholarship challenges contemporary sexuality education curriculum standards and teaching preparation practices. She prioritizes supporting those who want to be credentialed and trained in best practices pedagogy and praxis. 

Richelle is an active volunteer member for AASECT having served on the Ethics Committee, the Board of Directors, Professional Education Steering Committee, and presented at numerous annual conferences over the last 25 years. She has been a board member for several prevention and diversity inclusion groups. She sings in classic rock bands for creative outlet, pleasure, and to blow off steam. 

Raised in a traditional Catholic home and strongly influenced by education professionals who value the power of progressive teaching pedagogy, Richelle has a profound respect for diversity of all kinds, believes in prevention education and endeavours to empower people to make healthy choices for sexual pleasure, health, and wellness. Teaching about Human Sexuality is Richelle’s passion…she loves her work and can think of nothing else she’d rather do than talk about sexuality! 

sex/ual/ity: a visual representation to remind that this word encompasses behaviors (sex), feelings and energy (sexual), and identities (sexuality)  

Links and Resources 

Jessas Webinar 

Intimacy with Ease Training 

Richelle’s Website 

sosecs.com 

 

 

 

 

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