426 Soapbox The Power of Our Stories

426 Soapbox The Power of Our Stories

by | Oct 16, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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Host Jessa Zimmerman shares a personal story from a coaching workshop to illustrate how the meaning we assign to events shapes our emotions, physiology, behavior, and ultimately our results. After waiting two hours to ask her mentor James a question and losing her chance when the room closed, Jessa initially felt angry and resentful, blaming another attendee for taking too long. By the time she reached the elevator, she experimented with a different interpretation—maybe others needed the conversation, maybe it served a greater good, and maybe she didn’t need to ask that night—and her body relaxed and her mood shifted. She later realized she found her own answer, and at a later workshop James remembered and called on her first. Jessa invites listeners to notice their relationship stories, choose alternative thoughts that help them show up better, and create different outcomes.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Soapbox Episode Setup
01:08 Workshop Question Build Up
02:03 Two Hour Wait Frustration
02:57 Cut Off at Midnight
03:45 Reframing the Story
05:19 Lesson on Mindset Cycles
06:33 Try New Thoughts
06:57 Outro and Credits

425: Delayed Ejaculation

425: Delayed Ejaculation

by | Oct 12, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Sexual Dysfunction

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Host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Andre Lazarus back to discuss delayed ejaculation, defining it as a consistent difficulty reaching ejaculation that becomes a concern when it bothers the person or impacts the relationship. Andre describes common contributing factors including medications (such as SSRIs), alcohol and other substances, masturbation habits, and physiological issues, but notes that many people can ejaculate during self-pleasure and struggle mainly with a partner due to psychological pressure and performance expectations. They explore how partners may misinterpret delayed ejaculation as lack of attraction, how focusing on pleasing a partner can disconnect someone from their own sensation, and how communication and “selfish” attention to one’s own pleasure can help. Andre emphasizes de-shaming, reducing goal pressure, and calming the nervous system through simple, patient breathing, and shares ways to work with him through workshops, his Talented Lover course, and coaching at coming-closer.com.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
01:22 Delayed Ejaculation Defined
03:25 Real Life Patterns
06:42 Pressure and Nervous System
08:31 Selfish Pleasure and Feedback
13:19 Masculinity and Performance Myths
18:59 Partner Support Without Pressure
20:58 Calming the Nervous System
22:47 Where to Find Andre
24:38 Final Wrap Up

Find Jessa’s resources for mismatched libido at https://www.desirediscrepancy.com

Bio:
Andre Lazarus is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and media-recognised voice on relationships, sexuality, and embodied connection. His career has followed an unconventional path: from serving in the U.S. Marines to guiding people through the complexities of intimacy and desire. That breadth of experience gives him a distinctive perspective on courage, vulnerability, and human connection.

He is best known for his role on the UK television series Virgin Island, where he appeared as a professional surrogate partner helping participants confront intimacy challenges alongside licensed therapists. The program drew national attention, and Andre’s presence on screen highlighted how intimacy work is not about performance but about safety, consent, and the courage to connect.

Through his practice, Coming Closer, Andre supports individuals and couples across a wide range of needs: men facing midlife performance concerns, survivors of trauma seeking safety, long-term partners wanting to revive passion, and those exploring alternatives such as ethical non-monogamy. Equally, he works with couples committed to monogamy who want to strengthen trust and rediscover each other. His approach, rooted in the Somatica® Method of sex and intimacy coaching, emphasises learning through the body and replacing shame with curiosity.

While Andre has also taught workshops introducing kink and alternative practices, he situates them within a broader conversation: how people of all backgrounds can embrace intimacy as part of their wellbeing. His message consistently comes back to honesty, communication, and self-awareness as the foundations for connection.

Today, Andre balances private coaching, workshops, and a men’s online course on sexual communication with growing media visibility, including the upcoming second season of Virgin Island.

www.coming-closer.com

424: [Soapbox] Relationship Agreements for Difficult Conversations

424: [Soapbox] Relationship Agreements for Difficult Conversations

by | Oct 9, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

Click to Listen on Substack

In this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman suggests couples create explicit relationship agreements—written down and revisited during hard moments—rather than assuming they share the same expectations. Inspired by classroom agreements used at the start of a college sexuality course, Jessa proposes making agreements when partners feel calm and connected, then using them as a guide during difficult conversations. She offers five sample agreements: assume goodwill and give your partner the benefit of the doubt; use “I” statements instead of blame; approach conflict with curiosity; give yourselves permission to mess up and return gently to the agreements; and practice accountability by owning your own contributions and mistakes first before inviting your partner to do the same.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:46 Why Make Agreements
02:12 Write Them Down
02:29 Assume Goodwill
03:00 Use I Statements
03:30 Lead With Curiosity
04:07 Permission to Mess Up
04:43 Accountability Matters
05:49 Try This at Home
06:22 Closing and Credits

423: Shameless care – STI testing from home

423: Shameless care – STI testing from home

by | Oct 5, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast

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Host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Robert Johnson and Anna Osman from Shameless Care about common gaps in “full panel” STI testing and why site-specific screening matters, especially throat swabs for gonorrhea and chlamydia. Robert shares how an asymptomatic oral gonorrhea infection went undetected through standard testing and how limited clinician awareness and testing workflows contribute to missed infections; Anna explains there’s no single comprehensive “magic button” test and missed swabs are common in busy clinics. They discuss HPV’s site specificity and the importance of vaccination, differences in treating oral vs genital gonorrhea (including the need for retesting), and how reducing shame and improving education can make sex safer and more enjoyable. They outline Shameless Care’s telehealth model, at-home 14-panel kits (including oral and anal swabs and dried blood spot testing), prescriptions for treatable STIs, sexual-function treatments (including options for women), doxycycline PEP for post-exposure risk reduction, window periods, and the value of thoroughness over frequency in testing.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:44 Meet Shameless Care
01:35 The Missed Throat Swab
05:03 Why Full Panels Fail
05:58 Oral STIs and HPV
08:51 Treatment and Retesting
09:22 Shame Free Sexual Health
11:57 Beyond Testing Services
15:47 Telehealth Privacy Screening
18:13 At Home STI Kit
20:12 Doxy PEP Explained
22:47 Testing Timing and Windows
27:04 Cost Panels and Advocacy
28:47 No Subscriptions Promise
29:40 Sharing Results With Partners
31:32 Closing and Credits

Subscribe to Jessa on Substack: https://www.intimacywithease.com/substack

Bio:

Robert Johnson is the founder of Shameless Care, a telehealth company dedicated to making sexual healthcare more accessible, more transparent, and free of judgment. After discovering that his own STI had been missed because it wasn’t tested at the correct anatomical site, he set out to help solve a problem he believes affects millions of people: too many people never get the sexual healthcare they need, and many don’t even realize it.

Today, Shameless Care connects people with board-certified physicians, custom medications, and comprehensive laboratory testing right on their phones. Through educational videos, podcast appearances, and public speaking, Robert challenges common misconceptions about sexual health and telemedicine, with the goal of helping people make informed decisions and enjoy healthier, more confident sex lives.

Grab your discount with code Better15 at https://shamelesscare.sjv.io/m4rrBe

422: [Soapbbox] 17 reasons your man has lower desire

422: [Soapbbox] 17 reasons your man has lower desire

by | Oct 2, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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Host Jessa Zimmerman shares a Soapbox episode outlining 17 reasons a man might have low desire, emphasizing that only one is responsive desire. She covers performance anxiety, low testosterone, needing emotional connection and safety, intimidation by a partner’s sexuality, lack of experience or confidence, neurodiversity or touch sensitivity, relying only on physical attraction, erotic mismatch, stress, mental health concerns, medication side effects, shame or guilt, exhaustion, trauma, aging or changes in sexual functioning, and the possibility that lower libido is simply how he is. Jessa notes that identifying obstacles can help access more of a person’s potential desire, but there is no single “normal” amount of desire and partners may need to bridge libido differences.

00:00 Better Sex Intro
00:45 Soapbox Setup
01:21 Anxiety And Hormones
02:01 Connection And Confidence
03:28 Sensory And Attraction
04:14 Mismatch And Responsive Desire
05:04 Stress Mental Health Meds
06:00 Shame Exhaustion Trauma Aging
06:56 Low Libido Is Normal
07:58 Wrap Up And Credits

421: Vulnerability as Strength

421: Vulnerability as Strength

by | Sep 28, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Published Authors

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Host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Doug Noll, a former trial lawyer turned peacemaker, about reframing vulnerability as strength through lessons from Tai Chi: the softer you are, the stronger you are, and the more vulnerable you are, the more powerful you are. Doug defines vulnerability as staying open, compassionate, and non-defended in any emotional situation, and explains how cultural conditioning and emotionally invalidating parenting teach people to suppress feelings, build walls, and struggle with intimacy. He describes “affect labeling” (precisely naming emotions) as a neuroscience-based method to calm a dysregulated nervous system, create emotional safety, and reduce fights by helping partners feel heard. Doug shares prison program examples and a “Buddha bubble” practice (non-critical, non-judgmental, non-reactive) and offers resources including his Deescalate Academy, Substack, and books.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:46 Meet Doug Noll
02:42 Tai Chi Paradoxes
03:35 From Lawyer to Peacemaker
06:01 Early Life and Armor
08:19 Defining Vulnerability
10:21 Why We Fear Emotions
14:13 Gender and Connection
17:54 Signs Youre Armored Up
19:10 Safety Enables Vulnerability
20:52 Affect Labeling Method
22:43 Doing It Exactly Right
23:40 Fear Based Objections
24:49 Self Generated Safety
25:16 Affect Labeling Basics
27:11 Prison Proof Stories
30:11 Motivation And Mindset
31:44 End Conflict Patterns
33:59 Soft Power Tai Chi
36:07 Buddha Bubble Practice
40:46 Beyond Active Listening
44:10 Resources And Wrap Up

Want to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.com

Bio:
Doug Noll, JD, MA is a Distinguished Fellow of the International Academy of Mediators, the world’s most prestigious mediation organization, and recipient of IAM’s Syd Leezak Award of Excellence. Named California Lawyer Attorney of the Year (2012) and Best Lawyers in America Lawyer of the Year (2013), he was a Purpose Prize Fellow for pioneering the Prison of Peace program, teaching emotional literacy to violent offenders in maximum security facilities over 10 years (2010-2020).

As Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University’s Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution (ranked #1 in the nation), Doug teaches graduate courses on decision-making under stress and conflict resolution.

Doug is the author of four books, including the bestselling De-Escalate (45,000+ copies, translated into five languages) and the forthcoming book, Empathy Leadership: The Powerful Skill that Drives Winning Results (Atria Books/Beyond Words, Sept. 8, 2026).
Doug delivered a TEDx talk entitled “How to Listen Someone into Existence” at TEDxApex in Apex, North Carolina on April 18, 2026.

doug@dougnoll.com
www.dougnoll.com
deescalateacademy at skool
dougnoll.substack.com