425: Delayed Ejaculation

425: Delayed Ejaculation

Host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Andre Lazarus back to discuss delayed ejaculation, defining it as a consistent difficulty reaching ejaculation that becomes a concern when it bothers the person or impacts the relationship. Andre describes common contributing factors including medications (such as SSRIs), alcohol and other substances, masturbation habits, and physiological issues, but notes that many people can ejaculate during self-pleasure and struggle mainly with a partner due to psychological pressure and performance expectations. They explore how partners may misinterpret delayed ejaculation as lack of attraction, how focusing on pleasing a partner can disconnect someone from their own sensation, and how communication and “selfish” attention to one’s own pleasure can help. Andre emphasizes de-shaming, reducing goal pressure, and calming the nervous system through simple, patient breathing, and shares ways to work with him through workshops, his Talented Lover course, and coaching at coming-closer.com.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
01:22 Delayed Ejaculation Defined
03:25 Real Life Patterns
06:42 Pressure and Nervous System
08:31 Selfish Pleasure and Feedback
13:19 Masculinity and Performance Myths
18:59 Partner Support Without Pressure
20:58 Calming the Nervous System
22:47 Where to Find Andre
24:38 Final Wrap Up

Find Jessa’s resources for mismatched libido at https://www.desirediscrepancy.com

Bio:
Andre Lazarus is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and media-recognised voice on relationships, sexuality, and embodied connection. His career has followed an unconventional path: from serving in the U.S. Marines to guiding people through the complexities of intimacy and desire. That breadth of experience gives him a distinctive perspective on courage, vulnerability, and human connection.

He is best known for his role on the UK television series Virgin Island, where he appeared as a professional surrogate partner helping participants confront intimacy challenges alongside licensed therapists. The program drew national attention, and Andre’s presence on screen highlighted how intimacy work is not about performance but about safety, consent, and the courage to connect.

Through his practice, Coming Closer, Andre supports individuals and couples across a wide range of needs: men facing midlife performance concerns, survivors of trauma seeking safety, long-term partners wanting to revive passion, and those exploring alternatives such as ethical non-monogamy. Equally, he works with couples committed to monogamy who want to strengthen trust and rediscover each other. His approach, rooted in the Somatica® Method of sex and intimacy coaching, emphasises learning through the body and replacing shame with curiosity.

While Andre has also taught workshops introducing kink and alternative practices, he situates them within a broader conversation: how people of all backgrounds can embrace intimacy as part of their wellbeing. His message consistently comes back to honesty, communication, and self-awareness as the foundations for connection.

Today, Andre balances private coaching, workshops, and a men’s online course on sexual communication with growing media visibility, including the upcoming second season of Virgin Island.

www.coming-closer.com

303: Gender Gap in Sexual Dysfunction Treatment with Dr. Maria Sophocles

303: Gender Gap in Sexual Dysfunction Treatment with Dr. Maria Sophocles

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman engages in a comprehensive discussion with Dr. Maria Sophocles, an OB GYN specialized in menopause and women’s sexual health. They explore the often neglected topic of sexual health during menopause, debunk myths, and recommend safe, effective treatments like vaginal estrogen. The conversation touches on the societal stigmas surrounding women’s sexual health, the importance of communication between partners, and strategies to maintain intimacy and pleasure. Dr. Sophocles also highlights the need for better medical education on menopause and offers practical advice on using lubricants and testosterone therapy to enhance sexual well-being during midlife.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex
00:50 Discussing Menopause with Dr. Maria Sophocles
02:03 The Importance of Addressing Sexual Health
08:42 Understanding the Bedroom Gap
16:31 Challenges in Medical Education and Sexual Health
19:09 Misconceptions About Estrogen Therapy
20:35 The Financial Benefits of Estrogen Therapy
21:04 Maintaining Genital Health with Vaginal Estrogen
22:11 The Role of Lubricants in Sexual Health
23:54 Communicating About Sexual Health in Midlife
24:24 Rehabilitating Vaginal Tissue
26:45 Addressing Trauma and Therapy in Sexual Health
27:41 The Importance of Communication in Sex Therapy
29:23 Enhancing Sexual Desire Through Erotic Media
33:34 Testosterone and Female Libido
34:51 Resources and Final Thoughts

Interested in my podcasts about desire discrepancy: www.desirediscrepancy.com

Bio:
Maria has been a practicing gynecologist for 29 years and is an internationally respected expert in menopause and female sexual function.

She is the founder of Women’s Healthcare of Princeton, a progressive gynecology practice serving over 30,000 women in the U.S. To meet the needs of international and remote U.S. patients, in 2024 she launched The Thinking Woman, a virtual consultation practice.
 
She completed a BA in English with honors and distinction from Duke University, attended medical School at Jefferson Medical College and completed her residency at Johns Hopkins Hospital’s Greater Baltimore Medical Center.
 
She is board certified in ob/gyn, a certified menopause practitioner, and has been named a fellow to national societies (ISSVD and ISSWSH) for her contributions to gynecology.
 
As one of the first U.S clinicians to recognize the need for a non-estrogen option to treat vaginal atrophy, in 2015 she pioneered the use of Co2 Laser in the U.S.; she has taught clinicians this technology on five continents.
 
A passionate advocate for reproductive freedom and contraceptive access, she fought for seven years alongside Senator Shirley Turner to achieve passage of New Jersey Bill S275, a part of the historic Freedom of Reproductive Choice Act which became law in 2023.
 
Appalled by the pervasiveness of the gendered healthcare gap, she is developing a Women’s Health clinic in rural Kenya.
 
Her TED talk “What Happens to Sex in Midlife” has garnered nearly a million views and her forthcoming book, The Bedroom Gap will be released in late 2025.
 
She is currently at work on a documentary about Sex, Menopause and Gender Equality called HOT!.
 
She is married with four children.
 
https://www.mariasophoclesmd.com
 
 
Instagram: @mariasophoclesmd – https://www.instagram.com/mariasophoclesmd/
 
TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/maria_sophocles_what_happens_to_sex_in_midlife_a_look_at_the_bedroom_gap?language=en
 

295: Root Causes of Erectile Dysfunction with Dr. Anne Truong

295: Root Causes of Erectile Dysfunction with Dr. Anne Truong

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman and guest Dr. Anne discuss the prevalence of erectile dysfunction (ED), its underlying causes, and various treatment strategies. They explore how lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise, can significantly improve sexual health and why it’s crucial to address the root causes of ED rather than just the symptoms. Dr. Anne shares her expertise on innovative treatments like stem cell therapy, shockwave therapy, and the use of Botox to enhance erectile function. This episode provides valuable insights for men and women alike on maintaining and improving sexual health.

00:00 Introduction
00:44 Understanding Erectile Dysfunction
01:41 Personal Motivation and Approach
05:28 The Importance of Sexual Health
08:44 Prevalence and Modern Factors
14:09 Lifestyle and Dietary Changes
25:45 Innovative Treatments
19:41 Differences Between ED and Performance Anxiety
35:20 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

Take the quiz at https://www.sexlifequiz.com

Bio:
Dr. Anne Truong has 25+ years of experience in anti-aging and cellular medicine. She is an expert in intimate health and a leader in biologic regenerative medicine. With her expertise as an author, podcaster, influencer, and entrepreneur, Dr. Truong has impacted millions of people.
She is a board-certified physician who treated over 7000 men with ED. Dr. Anne is starting a men’s sexual health revolution! Ditch the short-term fixes and dive deep into evidence-based solutions for lifelong sexual vitality naturally without medication or surgery.

291: Misconceptions around Hormone Replacement Therapy with Dr. Kelly Casperson

291: Misconceptions around Hormone Replacement Therapy with Dr. Kelly Casperson

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman chats with urologist and women’s sexual health advocate Dr. Kelly Casperson. They delve into the myths and fears surrounding hormone replacement therapy (HRT), particularly focusing on menopause and its implications. Dr. Casperson explains why many common concerns, such as the belief that HRT causes breast cancer, are unfounded. She also emphasizes the importance of individualized care, informed consent, and the numerous benefits of hormone therapy, including improved sexual function, mood, and overall quality of life. The conversation covers bioidentical hormones, testosterone for women, and the often overlooked role of progesterone. Jessa and Dr. Casperson aim to empower listeners with knowledge so they can make informed choices about their health and wellbeing.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:53 Meet Dr. Kelly Casperson: Advocate for Women’s Sexual Health
01:09 Debunking Myths About Hormone Replacement Therapy
01:52 The Impact of Menopause on Sexual Health
02:54 Understanding the Role of Hormones in Women’s Health
10:04 The Controversy of the WHI Study
17:38 Invitation to Share Your Story
18:08 Addressing Myths and Misconceptions About Hormone Therapy
21:32 Hormone Myths and Breast Cancer
22:24 Individualized Hormone Therapy Decisions
23:42 The Safety and Benefits of Estrogen
26:34 Testosterone for Women: Myths and Facts
35:41 Progesterone: The Overlooked Hormone
40:26 The Future of Menopause and Hormone Therapy
41:36 Conclusion and Resources

Interested in sharing your personal story (anonymously!) on the show? Email us at info@intimacywithease.com

Dr. Kelly Casperson is a board-certified urologic surgeon, renowned public speaker, sex educator, and host of the top-ranking podcast You Are Not Broken. Dedicated to empowering women, Dr. Kelly blends humor, candor, and science to demystify sexual health, intimacy, and midlife wellness. Through her podcast and online courses, she tackles myths about desire and normalizes conversations around healthy, fulfilling sex. Her work also provides essential education on hormones and midlife health. Connect with Dr. Kelly on Instagram (@kellycaspersonmd) or visit kellycaspersonmd.com.

#184 – Anorgasmia in Women – Dr. Rachel Needle

#184 – Anorgasmia in Women – Dr. Rachel Needle

Anorgasmia in Women 

Dr. Rachel Needle joins me in a discussion about anorgasmia. We speak about how it manifests, what we can do about it, and if it’s something that can be turned around. We answer questions that most of us have asked at one point or other in our lives.  

What is anorgasmia? 

Dr. Rachel defines anorgasmia as ‘a sexual dysfunction characterized by a persistent or recurrent delay in the absence of achieving an orgasm. Some women with anorgasmia have never had an orgasm, and others have experienced a delay. She says that 5 – 10% of biological women have life-long anorgasmia, whilst others have orgasms depending on the situation or the person. She addresses anorgasmia by studying the person’s sexual and relationship history. 

What does an orgasm feel like?  

Dr. Rachel says that one can recognize an orgasm when one has an involuntary muscle contraction. It can be felt throughout the whole body and can sometimes cause you to lose control of your body. However, recognizing it can depend on whether you’re focused enough to experience all of the sensations that are leading up to it. 

Struggles with orgasm & treatment options 

She talks about the importance of exploring and experimenting with your body. We miss different sensations when distracted and when we’re thinking only about orgasming. Communicating your needs to your partner and practicing mindfulness can help one to be in the moment. She gives some effective tips to keep yourself and your partner engaged throughout. 

Women who have trauma related to sex are prone to life-long anorgasmia. This makes it difficult to be vulnerable during sex; obstructing arousal and orgasm. Biological issues, medications, and the kind of language we use are some contributing factors that can prolong arousal and orgasms. 

Acquired and situational anorgasmia 

People with acquired anorgasmia used to have normal orgasms, but now cannot. Dr. Rachel suggests figuring out and understanding what and how things have changed since the diagnosis. Those with situational anorgasmia might have difficulty reaching orgasm with one partner, but not face the same difficulty with another partner. They could easily reach an orgasm by themselves, but not with a partner. This happens when one is not comfortable letting themselves be vulnerable experiencing things with a certain partner. 

Faking an Orgasm 

Dr. Rachel urges people to focus on figuring out how they can achieve an actual orgasm. Instead of telling your partner that you’re faking it, communicate with them about trying new things until you are comfortable enough to experience the orgasm. 

Biography 

Dr. Rachel Needle is a Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist in private practice and the founder and executive director of the Whole Health Psychological Center, comprehensive psychological practice with therapists with a broad range of specialty areas. Dr. Needle is an Adjunct Professor of Psychology in the Department of Behavioral Sciences, in the masters in forensic psychology, and the Doctorate in Criminal Justice programs at Nova Southeastern University. She is the founder and CEO of the Advanced Mental Health Training Institute and Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes which provide continuing education to Mental Health and Medical professionals and Sex Therapists around the world. 

Dr. Needle has specialized training in the area of substance use disorder. She is a professional consultant to facilities specializing in the treatment of substance use disorders and assists them in expanding and enhancing clinical programming. She also does expert training for staff members at residential and outpatient facilities that specialize in alcohol and substance abuse. Dr. Needle is a business coach and consultant and helps therapists build and thrive in private practice both in-person and online! She is the co-owner of My Private Practice Collective which offers a course on how to start, grow, and thrive in private practice. 

Resources and links 

Website: drrachel.com  

Practice: wholehealthpsych.com 

Training & certifications: modernsextherapyinstitutes.com  

Email: drrachelneedle@gmail.com 

More info and resources:
 
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
#177 – Urology for Women – Dr. Lamia Gabal

#177 – Urology for Women – Dr. Lamia Gabal

Urology for Women 

Dr Lamia Gabal is a Urologist with a sub-specialty in Female Pelvic Medicine and Reconstructive Surgery. She talks about all kinds of concerns women bring to a Urologist, information about the treatment options, and how to go about it.  

Sexual issues that bring women to urologists 

Women come to urologists for various kinds of sexual concerns. While traditionally urologists were thought to be “Male gynecologists”, Dr Lamia says urologists deal with much more than that. Women come with issues of Urinary Incontinence, Urinary Tract Infection, orgasmic dysfunction, female sexual dysfunction, libido issues, and more. Many women who come with these concerns back away from having sex with their partners because of the embarrassment they feel around it. Sometimes fixing their medical problems also helps them with their sex lives. While male concerns around this subject are already well understood and treated, female sexual dysfunction has only received a “trash can diagnosis”, says Dr Lamia. There are several types of female sexual dysfunctions and each needs to be treated accordingly. 

Urologists also deal with hormonal changes and core dysfunction. Thinning of vaginal tissue as women age can also lead to sexual dysfunction. Pelvic organs prolapse after childbirth can also lead to sexual dysfunction and can be painful. 

Medical concerns that drive women away from having sex 

There’s an overlap of urologists and gynecologists in the sub-specialty of female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery, with each performing their roles. However, not all urologists or gynecologists specialize in the field Dr Lamia does. She categorizes the kinds of concerns patients come in by their age. While most of her patients are post-childbirth age, she also treats young women who come in with issues of painful sex which could be pelvic floor dysfunction or dyspareunia and is usually associated with sexual trauma or PTSD. Women who are of child-bearing age often come in with recurring Urinary Tract infections. Women who are getting older and are past having kids struggle with pelvic organ prolapse, urinary incontinence, and fecal incontinence. All the concerns Dr Lamia mentioned can drive women away from having sex or from having a satisfying sex life. 

According to Dr Lamia’s advice, women who experience Urinary Tract Infections that have constipation, pelvic prolapse, and vaginal atrophy (thinning of vaginal tissues) should consult a urologist.  

Where does sex intersect in terms of conversations with patients?  

As a doctor, there’s no training you get in medical school that prepares you to have these conversations about sex with your patients. It’s often one’s interest to seek out more information and awareness that leads to these conversations with patients. Dr Lamia says it’s important to talk about sex with their patients to provide better health care, it aids in understanding how it affects their body and to make important decisions. However, most doctors don’t have these conversations for reasons of not having enough time or not being comfortable enough. Sometimes because of the assumption that an older patient might not be sexually active, which should not be done. 

Pelvic Organ Prolapse – treatment options 

Pelvic Organ Prolapse commonly occurs after childbirth and is more common with vaginal deliveries. All of these factors put pressure on organs making them lean into the vaginal wall. It increases the risk of urinary incontinence, fecal incontinence, and UTIs, and the most severe case can cause kidney dysfunction. It can be treated by “Pessary” which delays or prevents the need for surgery. Surgeries like cystocele repair, rectocele repair, and slings for incontinence are also an option, but patients can expect them to be redone after 15-20 years. It can impede sexual intercourse when the patient is constipated or something else. The surgery fixes vaginal laxity caused by this which can benefit sexual intercourse for both partners. 

Treatment options for Urinary Tract Infections 

To treat Urinary Tract Infection, all the other causes of the infection has to be ruled out through either a physical exam, an ultrasound of the kidneys, or a cystoscopy. Dr Gabal explains some treatments that could help such as maintaining good sexual hygiene, treating constipation, emptying bowels regularly, consuming fiber and a lot of water, peeing before and after sex, using plenty of lubrication that isn’t “warmed or flavored” can help to reduce the infection. Using antibiotics after intercourse and using probiotics to normalize vaginal bacteria can also help. She suggests supplements like cranberry and D-mannose prevent certain types of UTIs. 

Conditions That Can Cause Sexual Pain  

Dr Lamia talks about pelvic floor dysfunction as the most common cause of dyspareunia or painful sex. It causes mild pelvic floor muscle spasm to vaginismus where the vagina doesn’t open and causes pain. To treat this, she suggests soaking in a tub, putting heat on the area, or taking muscle relaxant drugs prescribed by the doctor. Pelvic floor physical therapy is the most effective of all and is done by specially trained pelvic floor physical therapists. Post-menopausal vaginal atrophy could also be the cause. She talks about birth control as an understated cause that causes thinning of vaginal tissue and a change in PH levels causing painful sex. She recommends putting topical testosterone mixed with estrogen to treat it. 

Biography 

Dr Lamia Gabal, MD, FPMRS, is a board-certified physician who specializes in several areas of medicine, including urology and restorative surgeries. Dr Gabal has more than 20 years of experience in the field of general medicine and urology. The doctor and her staff take great pride in offering many of the newest, cutting-edge treatment options and strive to continually provide the latest in technological advancements. 

She graduated from the University of California at San Diego Medical School in 1995 and performed two separate residencies at the UCSD Medical Center. She was the recipient of the “Patient’s Choice Award” from 2011 to 2013. Currently, Dr Gabal serves residents of Southern California at Prestige Medical Group in Santa Ana, CA. 

Resources and Links:  

Website: https://www.drgabal.com/ 

Services: https://www.drgabal.com/services/ 

More info and resources:
 
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast