426 Soapbox The Power of Our Stories

426 Soapbox The Power of Our Stories

by | Oct 16, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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Host Jessa Zimmerman shares a personal story from a coaching workshop to illustrate how the meaning we assign to events shapes our emotions, physiology, behavior, and ultimately our results. After waiting two hours to ask her mentor James a question and losing her chance when the room closed, Jessa initially felt angry and resentful, blaming another attendee for taking too long. By the time she reached the elevator, she experimented with a different interpretation—maybe others needed the conversation, maybe it served a greater good, and maybe she didn’t need to ask that night—and her body relaxed and her mood shifted. She later realized she found her own answer, and at a later workshop James remembered and called on her first. Jessa invites listeners to notice their relationship stories, choose alternative thoughts that help them show up better, and create different outcomes.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Soapbox Episode Setup
01:08 Workshop Question Build Up
02:03 Two Hour Wait Frustration
02:57 Cut Off at Midnight
03:45 Reframing the Story
05:19 Lesson on Mindset Cycles
06:33 Try New Thoughts
06:57 Outro and Credits

424: [Soapbox] Relationship Agreements for Difficult Conversations

424: [Soapbox] Relationship Agreements for Difficult Conversations

by | Oct 9, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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In this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman suggests couples create explicit relationship agreements—written down and revisited during hard moments—rather than assuming they share the same expectations. Inspired by classroom agreements used at the start of a college sexuality course, Jessa proposes making agreements when partners feel calm and connected, then using them as a guide during difficult conversations. She offers five sample agreements: assume goodwill and give your partner the benefit of the doubt; use “I” statements instead of blame; approach conflict with curiosity; give yourselves permission to mess up and return gently to the agreements; and practice accountability by owning your own contributions and mistakes first before inviting your partner to do the same.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:46 Why Make Agreements
02:12 Write Them Down
02:29 Assume Goodwill
03:00 Use I Statements
03:30 Lead With Curiosity
04:07 Permission to Mess Up
04:43 Accountability Matters
05:49 Try This at Home
06:22 Closing and Credits

422: [Soapbbox] 17 reasons your man has lower desire

422: [Soapbbox] 17 reasons your man has lower desire

by | Oct 2, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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Host Jessa Zimmerman shares a Soapbox episode outlining 17 reasons a man might have low desire, emphasizing that only one is responsive desire. She covers performance anxiety, low testosterone, needing emotional connection and safety, intimidation by a partner’s sexuality, lack of experience or confidence, neurodiversity or touch sensitivity, relying only on physical attraction, erotic mismatch, stress, mental health concerns, medication side effects, shame or guilt, exhaustion, trauma, aging or changes in sexual functioning, and the possibility that lower libido is simply how he is. Jessa notes that identifying obstacles can help access more of a person’s potential desire, but there is no single “normal” amount of desire and partners may need to bridge libido differences.

00:00 Better Sex Intro
00:45 Soapbox Setup
01:21 Anxiety And Hormones
02:01 Connection And Confidence
03:28 Sensory And Attraction
04:14 Mismatch And Responsive Desire
05:04 Stress Mental Health Meds
06:00 Shame Exhaustion Trauma Aging
06:56 Low Libido Is Normal
07:58 Wrap Up And Credits

420: Affair Recovery; Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

420: Affair Recovery; Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

by | Sep 25, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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In this Soapbox episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses infidelity and what affair recovery can look like. Jessa frames cheating as a “bad solution to a problem” and outlines key milestones for rebuilding trust: the partner who cheated doing a “dark night of the soul” examination of how they could act out of integrity, including both the internal factors (compartmentalizing, self-talk, lack of skills to address issues directly) and the practical mechanics and slippery-slope behaviors that enabled the affair. She emphasizes sharing this excavation with the betrayed partner as part of demonstrated change over time. Jessa also addresses the underlying problem the affair attempted to solve—needs, validation, erotic interests, or relationship/sex-life issues—while noting that leaving or renegotiating agreements is more integrous than cheating.

00:00 Show Intro
00:45 Why Affairs Happen
01:44 Cheating as Bad Fix
02:21 Dark Night Reflection
04:31 Logistics and Slippery Slope
05:30 Rebuilding Trust Together
06:11 What Need Was Missing
07:28 Integrity Going Forward
08:10 Wrap Up and Outro

418: Soapbox – Don’t Accept Sex Your Partner Doesn’t Want

418: Soapbox – Don’t Accept Sex Your Partner Doesn’t Want

by | Sep 18, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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Host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman addresses “sex that’s not worth having,” focusing on situations where a lower-desire partner begrudgingly offers sex with clear disinterest, disconnect, or even hostility. She distinguishes this from reactive desire, where someone starts with openness to getting in the mood. Zimmerman explains that going through the motions is unfulfilling for both partners, can push the lower-desire partner further from desire, and reinforces the belief that the higher-desire partner only wants release. She recommends turning down or stopping sex when it feels like work, trudging, or checking out, and communicating in a grounded, collaborative way that sex needs to work for both people. The goal is to insist on conversations and change that help both partners find reasons to genuinely want intimacy.

00:00 Show Intro
00:46 Sex Not Worth Having
01:21 Reactive Desire Vs Duty Sex
02:12 When Sex Feels Hostile
03:52 Why Accepting Hurts Both
04:51 How To Say No Kindly
05:40 Insist On Mutual Pleasure
06:10 Outro And Next Steps

414: [Soapbox] When a woman is the higher desire partner

414: [Soapbox] When a woman is the higher desire partner

by | Aug 28, 2026 | Latest Episodes, podcast, Soapbox Episodes

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Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman returns with a soapbox episode on desire discrepancy, focusing on heterosexual relationships where the woman is the higher desire partner. She explains that mismatched desire is normal and common, and that gender doesn’t determine who wants more sex; in her practice, one-third to one-half of hetero couples have a higher desire woman. Because this dynamic conflicts with cultural myths that men always want sex, both partners can feel extra broken: men may feel ashamed, pressured, and avoid sex, while women may doubt their attractiveness, resent having to initiate, or even worry their partner is gay. Zimmerman says the solutions are the same: identify obstacles (including myths), understand reactive desire in men, reduce pass/fail pressure, and learn how to access arousal and desire.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex
00:45 Soapbox Episode Setup
01:01 Desire Discrepancy Basics
01:33 Gender Myths and Reality
02:23 Why Couples Feel Broken
03:00 Pressure on Low Desire Men
04:03 High Desire Women Doubts
04:46 When She Wonders He’s Gay
05:28 What Actually Helps
05:38 Understanding Reactive Desire
05:44 Lowering Pressure and Finding Turn On
06:27 Closing and Where to Find More