Co-Creating a Sex Life Over Time
What does it really take to make a sex life last? How do archetypes about sex, expectations, and love capacities all come together to be a starting point for you and your partner to have conversations and do things differently to co-create a lasting relationship and sex life? Psychotherapist Dr Chelsea Wakefield explains how to co-create a sex life that you can be excited about for the rest of your life, and how you can build soulful relationships that endure challenges and changes.
Sexuality and long-term relationships
Couples in long-term relationships commonly struggle with sexuality at some point and begin to have questions about what can be done to help the relationship move forward to maintain a meaningful connection during the arc of the relationship. What are the elements that can make a relationship and sex life thrive over time?
Prioritize personal development
Sexuality should be a priority for couples. Some questions that may be asked before committing to co-creating a sex life: Why would you want to engage in co-creating a sexual relationship? What would it bring in your life? Co-creating a sexual relationship encompasses so many dimensions of relationship including knowing one’s self and defining one’s self as a sexual being. It takes a lot of personal development in each of the parties, otherwise it will not thrive. You don’t change your partner but rather, both need to work on themselves in order to co-create a dynamic sex life.
Communication is key
Sex is far from being a natural process. Communication is key to making it last. And communication is not just about talking and saying what you want but knowing who in you is talking and being able to do the necessary shifts. How do I get in touch with my sensual self? How do I access my playful self? How do I shift out of “responsible mother self” to “responsible lover” or “playmate”? How can I and my partner get there together?
Labyrinth of Love
In her latest book Labyrinth of Love, Dr Wakefield talks about love capacities that can be applied to any aspect of a relationship, including sexuality. Learn about commitment, courage, curiosity, communication, compassion, and creativity and how these affect the success of a relationship.
Self-awareness is crucial in making a relationship thrive. But at the end of the day, it’s teamwork that will make it happen. Once you discover your own history, anxieties, trauma, etc., you share that with your partner and work together as a sexual team and make it a journey of mutual growth. When couples are distressed about the limits of what they’ve tried and feel stuck, know that these roadblocks may not just simply go away but can be transcended by personal growth. Make co-creation of your sexual relationship worth it and something that both of you want to engage in. Step out of the box and encounter each other anew to open the possibility that the other person can engage in the process.
Dr. Chelsea Wakefield is Director of the Couples Centre for University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. She is a psychotherapist, educator, conference facilitator, public speaker, and author. Dr. Wakefield has written 3 books:
- Labyrinth of Love
- Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty
- In Search of Aphrodite: Women, Archetypes and Sex Therapy
She is also creator/facilitator of the Luminous Women Weekend
Dr. Wakefield believes:
The time we invest in healing wounds of the past, rewriting limiting life scripts, and becoming more consciously aware helps us to make more responsible, respectful choices in life. It determines the quality of our relationships. Our level of consciousness and presence benefits everyone around us, life partners, friends, co-workers, community and ultimately our world.
Resources and links:
- Website: http://chelseawakefield.org/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChelseaWakefieldPhD
- Twitter: @LuminousWoman
- Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
- The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
- The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
- Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
- Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass