Free Resources for Mismatched Libido
Desire Discrepancy Doesn't Have to Be a Problem.
One of you wants more sex. One of you wants less. It's the most common problem I see, and it is far more solvable than it feels right now.
Start with whichever one you are.
Not sure? Start here instead — some of this is for both of you.
If you're the higher desire partner
Do you feel rejected, lonely, frustrated, or resigned?
Higher desire partners want more sex than their partner does. You probably feel rejected and lonely, maybe frustrated, and quite possibly resentful by now.
You may have been trying to talk about sex or do something about your sex life for a long time. You may also have given up and gone quiet about it. Desire itself isn't your problem — you want sex, and there aren't many barriers in your way besides your partner's lack of interest.
What's below will help you understand why your partner's desire has gone, and — this is the uncomfortable part — how you may be making it worse without meaning to. You'll learn what actually blocks desire, why sexual avoidance is so common, and what you can do to help your partner reach real desire for sex.
The goal isn't getting them to do it. It's building a sex life you're both actually happy with.
Free webinar
How to Get Your Partner Enthusiastically On Board
Without begging, bargaining, or pushing. Why your partner's lack of desire actually makes sense, the ways you may be making it worse without knowing, and how to talk about this so they want to improve it with you.
Free private podcast
The Higher Desire Partner Secret Podcast
Six episodes on why you feel so stuck, the ways you might be making it worse, and how to get your partner genuinely on board rather than merely willing.
Free quiz · 2 minutes
Which Higher Desire Partner Mistake Are You Making?
Almost every higher desire partner is doing at least one thing that's quietly making their partner want sex less. Find out which one is yours.
If you're the lower desire partner
Do you feel guilty, inadequate, or hopeless?
Lower desire partners want less sex than their partner does. You may have little or no libido at all, and honestly think that if it were up to you, you'd be fine without it.
You don't think about sex much. Your desire may have faded over the years, and there may be real complicating factors making it hard to want. You might be having sex out of obligation or concern for your partner, or avoiding it as much as you can manage. And underneath all of it, you probably feel guilty about the whole thing.
Here's what I want you to hear before you go any further: your lack of desire is normal. You are not broken, and this is not your fault. What's below explains exactly why desire has been such a struggle, and how you can genuinely access it again.
This isn't about having more sex. It's about wanting it.
Free webinar
How to Want Sex So It Never Feels Like a Chore
Even when it's been a long time since you've been interested. How to understand your own lack of desire, the keys to actually wanting intimacy rather than doing it out of obligation, and how to talk to your partner so they take the pressure off.
Free private podcast
The Lower Desire Partner Secret Podcast
Six episodes to help you understand your own lack of desire, and what to do so that sex stops feeling like a chore and starts being something you actually want.
Free quiz · 2 minutes
Which Lower Desire Partner Mistake Are You Making?
There are a handful of things lower desire partners commonly do that keep them stuck — usually with the best of intentions. Find out which one is yours.
Whichever one you are
For either of you
These two don't care which side of this you're on. If you're not sure where you fall, or you'd rather start somewhere neutral, start here.
Free video training
Intimacy Made Easy: Bridging Libido Differences
It's not just about having more sex — it's about both of you wanting it. This training walks through why desire discrepancy becomes such a big problem in the first place, and what to actually do about it.
Free quiz · 2 minutes
How Big a Problem Is My Sex Life?
Couples are often either underestimating this or quietly panicking about it, and it's hard to tell which from the inside. This gives you an honest read on where you actually stand.
If you want the whole thing
There's also a course
Everything above is free and genuinely useful on its own. But the free resources are pieces, and some couples would rather have the whole map.
Intimacy With Ease® is the complete step-by-step program I built out of years of working with couples exactly like you — the same approach, laid out in order, that you work through together at your own pace. It's the paid option, and it's there if you want it.
No rush — the free resources aren't a trial version. Use them for as long as they're helping.
If you'd rather have a person
Working with someone directly
Some couples read everything, try everything, and still land in the same spot. That's not a failure — some of this is genuinely hard to see from inside your own relationship.
If you'd like help finding the right kind of support, I've written up what to look for: how to find online therapy for libido mismatch. If you'd like that help from me, I see couples for therapy in Washington and New Mexico, and for private coaching everywhere else.