You may have – or be considering – an intimacy card game for couples, but there are things you need to think about to get the most out of them! If you aren’t careful, you could end up just creating more pressure and stress around your sex life.

Hi, I’m Jessa Zimmerman, and this Intimacy with Ease channel is dedicated to helping couples create and maintain a thriving relationship, sexually and otherwise.

I’m going to talk about 4 key aspects of using intimacy cards in a way that energizes your sex life. And stick around to the end when I’m going to tell you which I think is the very best one!

First, you need to understand that each deck is the product of the person who created it. Which means it contains their ideas about what would be fun and novel to try. It is a reflection of that person (or company) and their knowledge and training in sexual topics. Most decks are not created by a certified sex therapist and thus, they may have a narrow view of sex and perpetuate norms and expectations that don’t serve you. Look for a deck created by a CERTIFIED sex therapist!

And because most decks aren’t created by a sex therapist, they may inadvertently reinforce some of the problems and barriers that are making your sex life difficult. For instance, most decks ask you to select cards and then do what’s on the card. What if you can’t? What if you don’t want to? Many people who use these decks end up reinforcing a sense of obligation around sex and sexual acts. They don’t focus on actual desire and consent or permission. You want to find a deck, or use your deck, as a jumping off point to explore what it is you each ACTUALLY want.

Third, you need to consider how flexible and inclusive your intimacy game is. Do they have blank cards? Wild cards? Can you make up your own and add your ideas? Can you adapt your deck for your own bodies, genders, orientations, and preferences? Can you use your own language for sex and sexual body parts? For almost all the intimacy games out there, you use the cards as they are written. There isn’t room to explore, create, modify and adapt. You are literally put in a box!

Lastly, it’s really important to be flexible in how you approach the cards. They can be conversation starters, not just “pull this card and do this thing.” Avoid using the cards in any way that adds pressure, creates a sense of obligation, or makes one person feel like they have to do something they don’t want to. Look for decks that emphasize your actual desire and make the game approachable and fun, instead of something that at least one of you will avoid.

So which is my favorite deck? Which hits all 4 of these points right on the mark?

Well, I had to create my own. I kept wanting a tool that would help couples explore touch and desire in a flexible and fun way, and I couldn’t find it. So I created the Touchy Feely Cards to do just that. It is fully customizable to your situation. It has blanks and wild cards to make the deck your own. And most importantly, you are empowered to find your own desires and interests and always supported to only do things you want to do, while you finding what things those would be!

Here’s where you can learn more and order yours!

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