Serena Haines joins me on this episode to talk about orgasmic expansion – a hybrid technique developed by fusing techniques she used working as a Somatic Sex Educator and Sexological Body Worker. The goal of orgasmic expansion is to maximize pleasure and experience. It aligns perfectly with the Intimacy With Ease method when couples reach the point of having an enjoyable sex-life but wanting to expand their pleasure.
Define – Orgasmic Expansion
Orgasmic expansion is a fusion of slow sex techniques, breathing, orgasmic potential, and neo tantric exercises melded into one. Serena states that, unlike what people may assume, it’s a practical and tangible approach to expand one’s potential for pleasure in a safe and connected relationship.
It starts by guiding her clients to practice a few intimacy and neo tantric exercises. These exercises involve eye gazing, touching, sitting back to back, and breathing deeply which allows a deeper connection to form between the couples.
Phase 2 & 3 – Intimate bodywork
Then the couples do guide intimate bodywork on each other which involves erotic massage that isn’t necessarily therapeutic or sexual. The massage is for them to relax and receive pleasure sensations from giving and receiving touch. While the partner receiving the touch focuses on breathwork, the other partner focuses on the sensation of the touch.
Genital mapping & Genital massage
Then they move down to genital mapping, genital massage, and end with pleasure. Genital mapping is where the partner who is receiving the touch is focused on their feelings, sensations, and erotic responses of their body, disregarding the expectation to reciprocate afterward. The giver is guided into exploring their partner’s body and focused on the sensation, feeling of the partner’s different parts of the body, even the color and visual of the vulva. While the receiver enjoys pleasure, the giver enjoys the erotic visual which is extremely important.
Physiological changes and responses
The next step after making sure they both feel the pleasure is to guide the partner to notice and observe the physiological changes and responses in their partner’s body. Serena gives an example of looking at how the labia swells and changes colors and the time it takes. Serena points out that for most partner’s it’s uncomfortable to let these changes happen with their partner observing. However, this process allows the other partner to explain and talk through
the changes they’re observing. This encourages the receiver to express what feels good and tell the partner to do that. The goal of genital mapping is for the partner to understand the physiological responses happening in their partner’s body and for the other partner to relax and let the time be taken for the energy to flow through their body.
Serena then guides the process to go up to the clitoris and apply slow sex techniques like orgasmic meditation. Orgasmic meditation is working with the clitoris to map out the pleasure points. The partner goes through these points like clockwork while receiving and giving feedback until they find the most sensitive spot. Serena explains the process to be followed to reach an orgasmic point. She guides the partner to let the orgasmic potential move through the breath and expand the heat generated in the genitals through her body instead of quick orgasm. Serena says. It’s about prolonging and expanding the pleasure potential.
Giving and receiving feedback
The partners are guided to speak up about their experiences throughout the session. They are encouraged to give and receive feedback and it’s prompted by Serena’s questions such as, “How does it feel, how does it look?”. It allows the conversation to flow that creates a medium where they feel comfortable to tell each other if something feels good, if it feels enjoyable, which is rare when the couple is alone.
In case the partner orgasm soon into the process, the partner can either relax and take it up in another session or they can keep going. Serena emphasizes the whole idea of this process is not to bring them back into orgasm but to guide them to hold onto the potential as long as they can.
For men, the stroke technique while playing with the shaft and coronal ridge is much slower than a regular handjob. It’s common for penises to lose erection if the buildup isn’t the same after a certain point. Contrary to what many people may think of it as something wrong, it allows finding the pleasure potential in a soft penis. So, Serena guides them to keep going if that’s what they decide.
How is it different or similar to Sensate Focus?
The orgasmic expansion focuses on a slow addition of the sexual touch to expand pleasure potential in an already satisfying sex life. Sensate focus is different in the sense, it is focused on getting them to a place of a satisfied sex-life after overcoming the challenges.
Orgasm is not the point of sex
While the term “Orgasmic expansion” might lead you to believe that it’s all about orgasm, it’s really about expanding your pleasure potential and physiological responses of your body. Serena urges to explore the pleasure that lies before the point of an orgasm which isn’t even necessary to reach. With her client, by taking orgasm off the table, they remain stress-free of an expectation or a disappointment to reach an orgasm which isn’t the point. The duration of this course is meant to feel the sensations of your partner’s touch, feel, and pleasure. Orgasm may or may not necessarily happen at the end. In real life, it’ll help you when you don’t feel the pressure of an orgasm when you’re having that moment with your partner and you will enjoy the pleasure potential moving across your entire body.
Challenges in this process
One of the challenges people face in this process is having to digest the idea of having a third person there. It could be stressful that leads a lot of people to back out which is completely fine to back out and try again next time. Also, it’s hard for the receiver to just breathe and not do anything else. Similar to how the giver is focused on being anxious about their performance. Serena says it’s hard for people to be in the present but practicing it at home without the pressure of having a third person there can help.
Misconceptions and fears
Some of the fears people have are for the process to be too sexual or that the third person participating in the touch. Serena points it out as not true, she has a conversation prior with the client to set boundaries of how closer or far they want her to stand. Also, before any physical touch, expectation, and consent of what exercises they are going to do are already set and there’s no going backward. It can be revisited in the conversation before the next session.
Serena Haines, a Somatic Sex Educator Sex Coach in North Atlantic, Canada helps people navigate sexual challenges and expand intimacy as an individual or as partners. She studied Clinical Sexology and became a Certified Sex Coach. She made a fusion of all techniques learned over the time of her being a sex educator to create “Orgasmic Expansion”. She also helps couples who are not challenged sexually but want to learn and experience intimacy and new things.
Resources and links
Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar