Your #1 Pattern as a Lower Desire Partner? by Jessa | Sep 25, 2025 Most "lower desire partners" already feel like this is their fault. You may feel broken, guilty, inadequate, or frustrated about having less libido than your partner. It's a lonely and painful place to be. The way you respond to that mismatch—how you avoid, accommodate, or try to spark more connection—shapes your desire for intimacy more than you might realize. Even with the best intentions, many "lower libido partners" end up adopting strategies that actually make feeling desire harder! This quick quiz will help you discover your unique lower-desire protective pattern, so you can better understand your challenges, your strengths, and what might be holding your connection back. How long have you had any struggles in your sex life? More than a year A year or less None When your partner is interested in sex and you're not in the mood, what do you usually do? Pull away, change the subject, or pretend to not understand Go along with it; I don't want to disappoint them Say you're too tired, stressed, or busy right now. Downplay it, thinking "it's fine...we don't need sex to be close" None Feeling like your partner is sexually unfulfilled and disconnected causes a lot of distress. Which of these have you thought to yourself? I feel guilty. I want my partner to be happy. It feels like it's all on me to fix this but I have no idea how to do that. I feel broken or inadequate. I'm supposed to feel desire but I don't. I feel so much pressure and expectation. It ruins the whole thing for me. I feel like I have to choose between doing it for them or disappointing them, again. I wish this whole topic would just go away. Why can't everything else be good enough? I feel like no matter what I am able to do, it will never be enough to make my partner happy. How do you explain your low desire (to yourself and/or to your partner)? They need this more than I do, so I'll just say yes. I should do this for them. Work/kids/stress drains me. Who has energy for sex? Sex isn't that important as long as we love each other. Everything else is so good. I just don't want to deal with the pressure and sense of expectation right now. None What are you most likely to feel after turning down sex? Justified. "Of course I said no; I'm exhausted." Rational. I reassure myself it doesn't matter in the long run. Relieved. I escaped the pressure this time. Guilty. I wonder if I should have gone along. None All of us, as humans, make theories about what is going on. Which of these have you thought to yourself? Something is wrong with me. I should have libido and I don't. Maybe my hormones are off or something. My partner is too focused on sex. Maybe this means I'm not with the right person. Things will get better when life gets easier, It's just the situation right now. Maybe this is just what happens to people over time. It's normal not to have (much) sex anymore. My relationship has to get better in other ways first; of course I don't want it. What's the hardest part for you when it comes to sex? Wondering if I'm disappointing my partner by not caring more. The pressure and fear of being at fault. Not feeling desire but still wanting to make my partner happy. Feeling like I have no energy or space for sex. None What worries you most if you look ahead and nothing changes? I'll keep avoiding it until we feel like roommates. We'll stay stuck in survival mode and never get back our spark. I'll keep saying yes when I don't want it and end up resenting my partner. We'll settle into peace but lose our passion for good. None If your relationship could feel the way you dream it would, what would that feel like? Playful and fun Close and connected Desired, wanted, appreciated Passionate and alive Easy and natural 1 out of 9 We have your quiz results ready! Enter your name and email to reveal your #1 mistake! Name Email Time's up
Your #1 Higher Desire Partner mistake? by Jessa | Sep 25, 2025 Welcome to the quiz: Your #1 Higher Desire Partner mistake? Feeling like your desire isn’t being matched by your partner can be frustrating, confusing, and even lonely. The way you respond to that mismatch—how you initiate, wait, or try to spark connection—shapes your intimacy more than you might realize. This quick quiz will help you discover your #1 mistake when it comes to having more physical intimacy in your relationship, so you can better understand your patterns, your strengths, and what might be holding your connection back. How long have you had any struggles in your sex life? More than a year A year or less None When you realize how long it's been since you’ve had sex, which is most likely to be your first thought? It’s been too long — I can’t believe we’ve gone this many days/weeks Maybe if I plan something fun or do more of the chores tonight, they’ll want it I’ll just hang back. If I’m patient, maybe they’ll come to me It’s not worth bringing up. Better to let it go than risk rejection None Feeling sexually unfulfilled and disconnected causes a lot of distress. Which of these have you thought to yourself? I feel rejected; I don't know if they even find me attractive anymore They don't even care about my needs If I didn't bring it up or initiate, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex I'm trying to be a good partner and not pressure them, but nothing is changing I feel like I either have to resign to live like this or consider leaving the relationship When your partner turns you down for sex, which of these is closest to how you usually respond inside? Resigned, but still a little hopeful. "It's okay, I'll wait until they're ready." Frustrated. I tally another "no" in my mind and feel like it's unfair. Shut down. I remind myself not to bother asking again and setting myself up for disappointment. Disappointed. But I start thinking about other things I could do that might make them more interested. None How are you most likely to bring up sex with your partner? I really don't. It feels safe not to mention it and not get my hopes up again. I don't bring it up directly. I plan a date night or get flirtatious. By letting them know how unhappy I am that this need isn't fulfilled in our relationship. I don't often. I wait for my partner to bring it up or indicate interest. By pointing out the gap. "We haven't had sex in a long time." None All of us, as humans, make theories about what is going on. Which of these have you thought to yourself? Something is wrong with my partner. They should have libido and they don't. Maybe their hormones are off or something. They don't find me attractive anymore. Maybe this means I'm not with the right person. Maybe they aren't telling me something. Something's going on with them that I don't understand. Maybe this is just what happens to people over time. It's normal not to have (much) sex anymore. Deep down, what hurts the most about your partner's lower interest in sex? Feeling like my efforts aren't appreciated or wanted. Nothing I do is getting us to have more sex. Feeling invisible. My desire isn't noticed. My partner doesn't even seem to know how unhappy I am. Feeling hurt. My needs don't seem to matter. I thought it was going to be different. Feeling hopeless. I don't see this ever changing, and it's easier to shut it off than to be disappointed over and over again. None What worries you most if you look ahead and nothing changes? I have to settle for less than I want; I don't think sex is possible for us. We'll quietly grow apart without realizing it. We'll just be roommates forever. I'll lose my spark if I keep trying and nothing changes. What if I get tempted to cheat? I'll be so frustrated and resentful that it'll ruin our whole relationship. None If your relationship could feel the way you dream it would, what would that feel like? Playful and fun Close and connected Desired, wanted, appreciated Passionate and alive Easy and natural 1 out of 9 We have your quiz results ready! Enter your name and email to reveal your #1 Higher Desire Partner mistake! Name Email Time's up
What’s your protective pattern as the lower desire partner? by Jessa | Sep 20, 2025 Most "lower desire partners" already feel like this is their fault. You may feel broken, guilty, inadequate, or frustrated about having less libido than your partner. It's a lonely and painful place to be. The way you respond to that mismatch—how you avoid, accommodate, or try to spark more connection—shapes your desire for intimacy more than you might realize. Even with the best intentions, many "lower libido partners" end up adopting strategies that actually make feeling desire harder! This quick quiz will help you discover your unique lower-desire protective pattern, so you can better understand your challenges, your strengths, and what might be holding your connection back. How long have you had any struggles in your sex life? More than a year A year or less None When your partner is interested in sex and you're not in the mood, what do you usually do? Pull away, change the subject, or pretend to not understand Go along with it; I don't want to disappoint them Say you're too tired, stressed, or busy right now. Downplay it, thinking "it's fine...we don't need sex to be close" None Feeling like your partner is sexually unfulfilled and disconnected causes a lot of distress. Which of these have you thought to yourself? I feel guilty. I want my partner to be happy. It feels like it's all on me to fix this but I have no idea how to do that. I feel broken or inadequate. I'm supposed to feel desire but I don't. I feel so much pressure and expectation. It ruins the whole thing for me. I feel like I have to choose between doing it for them or disappointing them, again. I wish this whole topic would just go away. Why can't everything else be good enough? I feel like no matter what I am able to do, it will never be enough to make my partner happy. How do you explain your low desire (to yourself and/or to your partner)? They need this more than I do, so I'll just say yes. I should do this for them. Work/kids/stress drains me. Who has energy for sex? Sex isn't that important as long as we love each other. Everything else is so good. I just don't want to deal with the pressure and sense of expectation right now. None What are you most likely to feel after turning down sex? Justified. "Of course I said no; I'm exhausted." Rational. I reassure myself it doesn't matter in the long run. Relieved. I escaped the pressure this time. Guilty. I wonder if I should have gone along. None All of us, as humans, make theories about what is going on. Which of these have you thought to yourself? Something is wrong with me. I should have libido and I don't. Maybe my hormones are off or something. My partner is too focused on sex. Maybe this means I'm not with the right person. Things will get better when life gets easier, It's just the situation right now. Maybe this is just what happens to people over time. It's normal not to have (much) sex anymore. My relationship has to get better in other ways first; of course I don't want it. What's the hardest part for you when it comes to sex? Wondering if I'm disappointing my partner by not caring more. The pressure and fear of being at fault. Not feeling desire but still wanting to make my partner happy. Feeling like I have no energy or space for sex. None What worries you most if you look ahead and nothing changes? I'll keep avoiding it until we feel like roommates. We'll stay stuck in survival mode and never get back our spark. I'll keep saying yes when I don't want it and end up resenting my partner. We'll settle into peace but lose our passion for good. None If your relationship could feel the way you dream it would, what would that feel like? Playful and fun Close and connected Desired, wanted, appreciated Passionate and alive Easy and natural 1 out of 9 We have your quiz results ready! Enter your name and email to reveal your #1 mistake! Name Email Time's up
What’s your #1 Higher Libido Partner Mistake? by Jessa | Sep 19, 2025 Welcome to the quiz: What's your #1 Higher Libido Partner Mistake? Feeling like your desire isn’t being matched by your partner can be frustrating, confusing, and even lonely. The way you respond to that mismatch—how you initiate, wait, or try to spark connection—shapes your intimacy more than you might realize. This quick quiz will help you discover your #1 mistake when it comes to having more physical intimacy in your relationship, so you can better understand your patterns, your strengths, and what might be holding your connection back. How long have you had any struggles in your sex life? More than a year A year or less None When you realize how long it's been since you’ve had sex, which is most likely to be your first thought? It’s been too long — I can’t believe we’ve gone this many days/weeks Maybe if I plan something fun or do more of the chores tonight, they’ll want it I’ll just hang back. If I’m patient, maybe they’ll come to me It’s not worth bringing up. Better to let it go than risk rejection None Feeling sexually unfulfilled and disconnected causes a lot of distress. Which of these have you thought to yourself? I feel rejected; I don't know if they even find me attractive anymore They don't even care about my needs If I didn't bring it up or initiate, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex I'm trying to be a good partner and not pressure them, but nothing is changing I feel like I either have to resign to live like this or consider leaving the relationship When your partner turns you down for sex, which of these is closest to how you usually respond inside? Resigned, but still a little hopeful. "It's okay, I'll wait until they're ready." Frustrated. I tally another "no" in my mind and feel like it's unfair. Shut down. I remind myself not to bother asking again and setting myself up for disappointment. Disappointed. But I start thinking about other things I could do that might make them more interested. None How are you most likely to bring up sex with your partner? I really don't. It feels safe not to mention it and not get my hopes up again. I don't bring it up directly. I plan a date night or get flirtatious. By letting them know how unhappy I am that this need isn't fulfilled in our relationship. I don't often. I wait for my partner to bring it up or indicate interest. By pointing out the gap. "We haven't had sex in a long time." None All of us, as humans, make theories about what is going on. Which of these have you thought to yourself? Something is wrong with my partner. They should have libido and they don't. Maybe their hormones are off or something. They don't find me attractive anymore. Maybe this means I'm not with the right person. Maybe they aren't telling me something. Something's going on with them that I don't understand. Maybe this is just what happens to people over time. It's normal not to have (much) sex anymore. Deep down, what hurts the most about your partner's lower interest in sex? Feeling like my efforts aren't appreciated or wanted. Nothing I do is getting us to have more sex. Feeling invisible. My desire isn't noticed. My partner doesn't even seem to know how unhappy I am. Feeling hurt. My needs don't seem to matter. I thought it was going to be different. Feeling hopeless. I don't see this ever changing, and it's easier to shut it off than to be disappointed over and over again. None What worries you most if you look ahead and nothing changes? I have to settle for less than I want; I don't think sex is possible for us. We'll quietly grow apart without realizing it. We'll just be roommates forever. I'll lose my spark if I keep trying and nothing changes. What if I get tempted to cheat? I'll be so frustrated and resentful that it'll ruin our whole relationship. None If your relationship could feel the way you dream it would, what would that feel like? Playful and fun Close and connected Desired, wanted, appreciated Passionate and alive Easy and natural 1 out of 9 We have your quiz results ready! Enter your name and email to reveal your #1 Higher Desire Partner mistake! Name Email Time's up
How healthy is your sex life? by Jessa | Aug 19, 2025 How healthy is your sex life? See how you score! This is a 30 question quiz. While not a scientific quiz, it does use what I've learned about healthy sexual relationships in my years of clinical practice as a sex therapist. I have designed it to give you an idea of the state of your intimate relationship, over several criteria. You will get your results and suggestions about how to improve via email, as well as ongoing information and ideas about improving your relationship and creating your best possible sex life. This quiz is designed for people that are in a sexual relationship and who want to look at the interactions between themselves and one specific partner. If you are in a sexless stage of your relationship and the answers don't already account for that, answer the question based on what sex was like when you had it. "Sex" refers to any sexual encounter, not just penetrative sex. Please provide your email address below to receive a detailed copy of your results as well as tips for improvement related to the quiz. Once you finish the quiz, detailed results will be emailed to you. Providing your email address here will subscribe you to my mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time later. I hope you stick around, though! I work hard to make it worth your while. You also get free access to my private, online Q & A webinars. Email address First name I agree to the terms and conditions (see links in footer) Do either of you avoid sex? Yes, all the time Frequently Sometimes Every once in a while No, no avoidance, just a yes or a no None Do you go to bed at the same time? Yes, all the time Mostly Sometimes Not usually No None How often does it seem that sex ends badly? All the time / or We never have sex Frequently Sometimes Occasionally Never, I wouldn't say it's bad no matter what happens None Is there a sexual problem that hasn't been resolved or accommodated? Yes, we have an ongoing problem that is messing everything up / We never have sex Yeah, there's something going on, and it's a roll of the dice every time we have sex Sometimes it gets in the way Every once in a while it's an issue There is no sexual issue OR we've adjusted and moved on None Do you and your partner talk about sex? Yes, easily Yes, basically Sometimes Infrequently No None Does one of you suggest sex and the other respond by ignoring it, deflection, or humor? Yes, all the time / Neither of us ever brings it up Frequently Sometimes Infrequently No None Does one of you just go through the motions in sex? Yes, and they just lie there/make it clear Occasionally, but they go along okay No None How often is one of you having sex out of a sense of obligation? Always Frequently Sometimes Rarely Never None Does one person shame, blame or criticize the other about sex? Yes, all the time Frequently Sometimes Infrequently Never None How frequently do you fight about sex? All the time Frequently Sometimes Infrequently Never None Does one of you ever threaten to leave the relationship over sex? Yes, a lot Sometimes Yes, but it's said calmly, not as a threat We know we have to deal with it to stay together No None How often is one of you doing something sexually they know the other doesn’t like? Never Infrequently Sometimes Frequently All the time / We would if we were having sex None To what degree are you distracted when you have sex? All the time Frequently Sometimes Every once in a while I don't None Are you off in your mind/fantasy during sex? Not at all Rarely Sometimes/just to climax Pretty regularly All the time None Does one of you feel inadequate? Yes I don't know No None Do you struggle to relax and be present for sex? Yes, all the time Frequently Sometimes Every once in a while No None To what degree do you worry that you don’t know what you’re doing? A lot Sometimes I'm learning/open It's rare to be concerned Not at all None Do you generally feel self conscious during sex? Yes Somewhat No None Do you ask for what you want in sex? No Rarely Only subtly Sometimes Yes None Do you know what turns you on? Yes Mostly Somewhat A little bit No None Do you bring any passion or eroticism to the sex that you're having? No Rarely Sometimes Frequently Always None Is frequency of sex an issue in your relationship? Yes Somewhat No None To what degree is sex with your partner about getting to the finish? We just get it over with We're efficient; we take the shortest route We are not in a hurry We take scenic detours The finish isn't the goal; it's a stop along the way None Does one of you do all the initiating of sex? No Mostly Yes None How much energy do you put into making sex and romance interesting – dressing up, buying flowers, sexual surprises, etc? A lot; we keep it new and interesting Pretty much; we're invested Some; sometimes we do new things or make an effort A little; every once in a while we work at it None; we're on auto pilot None How often do you and your partner create the opportunity, on purpose, to be sexual together? Never Rarely Sometimes With regularity Frequently None To what degree do you feel exhausted and overwhelmed in your life, to the detriment of your sex life? We make time, no matter what It's hit and miss Constantly None Is sex at the bottom of the priority list? Yes Somewhat No None Do you keep the plans, appointments and dates with your partner that you set? No/We don't make any Every once in a while Sometimes Usually Always, barring emergencies None Have you followed through with agreements to see a doctor or a therapist about any sexual issues? Yes/we don't have any Eventually/Sort of No None Time's up
