Sex & Intimacy Blog
Touched Out and No Desire for Sex? What It Really Means
It's nine o'clock. The kids are finally asleep, or the work email is finally closed, or the dishwasher is finally running. You sit down on the couch. Your partner slides over and rests a hand on your leg. Your whole body tightens. Not because you don't love them. Because since six this morning...
Mental Load and Sex Drive
Mental Load and Sex Drive: Why Chores Are Killing Your Desire (and Neither of You Is the Problem) If you're wondering how the mental load and sex drive could possibly be connected, here's a scene I see in my office all the time. One partner keeps saying, "I really want to work on our sex life."...
Should You Leave a Sexless Marriage? A Sex Therapist’s Take
Should You Leave a Sexless Marriage — Or Cheat? Here's What I'd Say Instead I didn't think it was a controversial thing to say: don't accept sex that your partner very obviously doesn't want. But apparently that poked the manosphere or something, because boy, were there a lot of comments. They...
He’s Not Rejecting You: 5 Invisible Roadblocks to His Desire
He's Not Rejecting You. His Desire Is Blocked. If you're the woman in your relationship who wants sex more, you already know the particular loneliness of it. You've done the math on how long it's been. You've tried initiating and been turned down, and you've tried not initiating to see if he'd...
When a Woman Wants Sex More Than Her Male Partner
When a Woman Wants Sex More Than Her Male Partner I write about desire discrepancy, or libido mismatch, all the time and why it creates so much stress. It is one of the most common issues couples face, and it is the number one issue that brings people into my sex therapy practice. But there is one...
Signs of gaslighting
Is It Gaslighting? How to Tell the Difference Between Healthy Communication and Manipulation One of the questions I hear most often from clients and students is this: "If you teach us to question our interpretations of what happened, doesn't that open the door to gaslighting?" It's an important...
Why Communication Skills for Couples Don’t Work Without Curiosity and Care
Why Communication Skills for Couples Don't Work Without Curiosity and Care When couples come to see me for therapy or coaching, one of the first things they tell me is that they need better communication skills. They're usually right. Communication is often part of what's keeping them stuck and...
How to Talk Constructively to Your Partner About Sex
How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex: 6 Keys to a Constructive Conversation For many couples, talking about sex is harder than having sex. Or at least it becomes that way over time. Maybe you've fallen into a pattern where one person wants sex more than the other. Maybe you've had the same...
Common Mistakes of the Lower Desire Partner
Common Mistakes of the Lower Desire Partner in Libido Mismatch Differences in libido are one of the most common challenges couples face. In fact, I would argue they are inevitable. Why would any two people want exactly the same amount of sex, at exactly the same times, under exactly the same...
Common Mistakes of the Higher Desire Partner in Libido Mismatch
Common Mistakes of the Higher Desire Partner in Libido Mismatch Sexual desire discrepancy is universal. In every long-term relationship, one person is eventually going to want sex more often than the other. Think about it. Why would any two people want exactly the same amount of sex, at exactly...
Why Mismatched Libidos Create So Much Stress
Desire Discrepancy in Relationships: Why Mismatched Libidos Create So Much Stress The clinical term is “desire discrepancy,” but most people know it as mismatched libidos. One partner wants sex more often than the other, and over time that difference starts creating tension, hurt feelings,...
What Are Common Causes of Sexual Avoidance in a Relationship?
What Are Common Causes of Sexual Avoidance in a Relationship? If sex has become something you or your partner avoid, it can feel confusing, painful, and deeply personal. Many couples end up wondering the same questions: Why has this happened? Does this mean the attraction is gone? Is something...