If you’re in an otherwise pretty happy relationship, but you’re in a sexless marriage or relationship (or worried you’ll end up there), despite your best effort to talk to your partner about it, schedule sex, or plan more dates, I’d like to show you how to get your partner to want sex without it ever feeling like a chore so that the two of you can both be satisfied. Even if you typically struggle to get them to do anything about it because of their lack of interest.
The number one thing I want you to take away from this article is that you can revive a sexless marriage by focusing on helping your partner actually want sex; it is the only way you’re going to have a thriving sex life… which is not the same thing as getting them to just have sex.
Finding a way for your partner to enjoy sex, so it’s for them, too, is key to a sex life that really works for both of you. Think about it like this… It’s like going on a picnic. What if they never put anything in the basket they like to eat? What if it’s always the cured meats you happen to love? How long will they really be excited to go on a picnic with you? How long before they dread it? Avoid it?
The first thing you need to know about finding your partner’s desire for sex is that the goal is for sex to actually be easy and fun for both of you. No more sexless marriage or relationship, struggles over frequency, or whether the stars are aligned, or how long it’s been…Now it can be something you both actually look forward to.
Simply put, if your partner doesn’t actually want sex, then they’re either not having it (hence, the sexless marriage or relationship) OR they’re having sex they don’t want. Neither of those options is good for either of you. And in fact, that will damage your relationship over time.
Both of you wanting sex is how you get a sex life that’s fulfilling and fun… Unlike scheduling it or begging for it or getting it done like an item on their to do list where it only feels more and more like they’re doing you a favor or completing an unpleasant chore.
However… you have to get your partner on board to deal with this in order to make this work. And how are you going to do that when they’ve made it pretty clear they just don’t have desire, they aren’t that interested in fixing this, or completely avoid the subject?
Now I teach this inside Intimacy with Ease, but let me give you the basics because this seems to be one of the biggest takeaways for students inside of this course, for example, “We are now able to enjoy each other without putting pressure on ourselves. We think of our intimate time together as play now. We are no longer trapped in a cage we built with our own hands.”
When I first started helping couples, I ran into the problems with desire discrepancy with every single client! However, I focused on ways to help the “lower desire” person find things they wanted, that they’d find engaging, that would give them a reason to look forward to sex, and it worked because it didn’t force them to do things they didn’t want to do, it didn’t focus on meeting a quota, and it didn’t set them up to feel like they were failing or broken.
That’s when I realized: your partner’s desire is key to your sex life working for both of you. They need access to their own desire.
Then, sex is working. It’s easy. It’s fun. And the two of you no longer have a barrier or a dark shadow or a disconnection to drive you apart. Now, you can feel totally close and connected.
But I get it. Maybe your partner won’t even begin to talk about this, much less do anything about it because they don’t have any desire, or at least not much. They haven’t felt it in a long time. They probably think this is just the way they are. They feel stuck and hopeless. They are probably just as unhappy in this sexless relationship.
And maybe you’re like this too. “No way my partner is going to get on board with this. We can’t even talk about it anymore without it feeling worse…”
So if you’re thinking, there’s just no way my partner is going to want sex, and there’s no way I’m going to be able to talk to them about this, this is just the way it is…I want to show you the five common things you’re probably doing that are turning your partner off and making them avoid this whole thing – my “Stop 5 Strategy.”
Because if you’re feeling hopeless, googling “living with a sexless marriage,” pondering divorce or breaking up, or feeling like you might just have to accept this part of your life dying and you’re going to go the rest of your life without the sex you’d like to be having… I want to show you how by stopping these five things you can win over your partner without increasing their sense of pressure or bringing up their resistance or defensiveness.
Now, obviously, I can’t get your partner to suddenly want to jump your bones every day, but I can show you how to open the door to their desire.. I know you might be thinking, “I mean, I know it’s not good, but it’s not THAT bad.” But do you really want to wait until it’s THAT BAD before you do something about this? If you’re struggling with unhappiness about the desire discrepancy now then you definitely don’t have time to let this grow and fester, where it could eventually threaten your relationship itself.
So this Stop 5 strategy is like a defense melter for your partner to be willing to work on this with you so you can heat it up! And make sex easy and fun and just one great part of an already good relationship.
The Stop 5 strategy training is a bonus that I created for students inside Intimacy with Ease. But I’m gonna link it up for you, for free,  because my paid clients and students have gotten so much value from it, and I want to get it to as many people as possible. It can make that much difference! I think once you see how easy it is to get your partner to work on this with you, that actually lets you have more sex together, you’ll be able to start getting the satisfaction you want and see that it isn’t such an uphill battle because your partner wants it, too.
Then it’s gonna feel so good to create a fun and easy sex life and see how close you feel and how little you even have to think about sex anymore!

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