Listen to “211: Juicing up Your Sex Life – Alicia Davon” on Spreaker.
Juicing Up Your Sex Life
A fun topic today. This one’s about juicing up your relationship, enlivening it again. Or if you’re single, preparing for when you are in a relationship. My guest is Alicia Davon. She and her husband have an organization that does training with people around increasing presence, awareness, communication, pleasure, and energy in people’s sex lives.
We talk about what that looks like, how people practice it, and what its first step might be. I think a lot of it really revolves around getting out of autopilot, which we can do when we’re with the same person. We’re busy with stuff and we can just sort of not pay attention and go through the motions. Or we could get really present and have a sense of newness. Even with a partner that we’ve been with for decades.
What does “Juice” look like over time?
Generally, Alicia feels that the chemistry and the passion decreases in a relationship by default, and everybody knows that, but not everybody knows what to do about it. Or even knows that something can be done about it outside of just becoming complacent, maybe complaining about it, or splitting up or having affairs.
She thinks that there’s a very natural wanting to have things be fun and turned on with our partners over time. But then the longer it goes without that – when certain forces come in, like longevity, or kids and growing up and more responsibilities – it can get harder and harder to reconnect.
How to go about juicing it back up.
Alicia believes there’s a newness that can be brought into the relationship. When the novelty wears off, it’s just not as exciting. But there’s a lot of inherent chemistry in everybody’s bodies. She has never in her 20 years of working with singles and couples found that somebody’s body was the source of no passion or no chemistry.
She says it’s often a mindset thing. We get distracted with technology at our fingertips. Or distracted by work and solving problems and managing day-to-day stuff. And also, there are certain skills that are necessary that sort of come easily, or maybe even naturally when we’re first in a relationship.
So, the path, first of all, is presence into the relationship again. Sometimes we find we’ve been on autopilot for months and years and maybe decades. Bringing that presence could look like just simply like bringing awareness to the fact that we the couple would like more excitement in the relationship.
Communication is key
Alicia and her husband Erwan have daily practices that they teach their students. One of them is meditation, which is a great pathway to being in the present and noticing what’s going on. Then there’s what they call psychological inquiry, which a way of connecting with your partner, sharing what’s going on with you and going on in your heart and going on in your mind.
A full spectrum
Alicia and Erwan have touching practices that range from close non-sexual touching physical connection all the way down the spectrum to sexual touching and technique.
She mentions the touching skills are important with couples that want to get back connected. Erwan and Alicia have a set of 12 touching practices that introduce skills like going really slowly, and certain communication skills.
There’s much more to this fascinating conversation, including how this concept could be utilized by singles as well. Alicia recommends carving out some time to practice and implement “juicing” into your sex life, it’s well worth it!
About Alicia Davon
Over the past 25 years, Erwan and Alicia Davon have successfully taught over 12,000 singles and couples how to have exceptional relationships. Erwan and Alicia have become the go-to experts for those seeking a higher level of relationship support. Erwan is the founder, senior teacher and president of San Francisco based Erwan Davon Teachings. Together with Alicia, they specialize in supporting singles in getting into passionate and successful relationships, and helping couples take their relationships to new heights of romance and intimacy. Being based in the Bay Area, Erwan and Alicia provide a high-end boutique service that gives their clients an effective way to enhance their relationships. They also offer all their coaching and classes online and support students all over the world.
Resources and links:
Free Love Life Consultation:
The Desire Spa – https://thedesirespa.com
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Listen to “197: Guided by Glow – Sayra Player” on Spreaker.
Actress Sayra Player takes us into a different level of meditation. We discuss tapping into our imagination to inspire creativity with masturbation and getting in touch with our body and sensations. Along with a team of writers, actors, creators, and producers, she founded the app Guided by Glow, a guided meditation app designed to increase women’s sexual wellness through erotic audio experiences.
What is the story behind the business and why did Player start Guided by Glow?
Meditation is a magical and healing space and much needed by everybody. But the idea of bringing someone into this mindful state to have imaginary sexual play hasn’t been explored yet. Pooling her network of actors and producers, Sayra Player tried to fill in that gap. From a big closet that she turned into a makeshift studio, her team created erotic stories that are now helping many to own their sexuality and bring awareness to the senses and imagination.
Why is it powerful to connect to the imagination of the senses?
Masturbation puts one in an imaginative and creative state. Every guide on the app has the intention to create a meaningful, intimate experience with the listener. Imagination and creativity can lead us to a truthful state, and can allow us to enjoy sexuality.
What else can you do to enhance your experience?
Sayra Player would want to empower people to write their own fantasies. She talks about how her team is now encouraging people to play with their imagination and really embrace all the parts of themselves where they hold shame and fear.
How can Guided by Glow improve somebody’s sex life with their partner?
These recordings can help relationships, especially long-term relationships, stay fresh. A lot can happen to our mind and body when we do a 10-20 erotic meditation before sleeping with our partners. Sayra also said that this app was created for her younger, single self, so she could get that glow and energy from being sexually satisfied even without having a partner.
How do these ideas about creativity or imagination show up in an actual sexual encounter with a partner?
Sayra believes that just like meditation, listening to the Guided by Glow sessions will help you tune in more to your body. It also helps to bring in energy, presence and sensuality as well as creating a space to accommodate your partner.
Sayra Player is founder of Guided By Glow, the guided audio app designed to help users unlock their sexual power through meditative erotic stories. An artist and actress, Sayra is dedicated to creating playful, inspiring experiences and deeply believes in spiritual transformation through fine art.
Sayra has written, produced, cast, starred in, and directed many films and theatrical productions throughout her career. Sayra previously served as Artistic Director of The Collective NY, where she nurtured over 60 artists, produced benefits, fundraisers, and 10 plays, and developed scripts for television and film.
Sayra believes that sex is emotional, spiritual, and can be key to nurturing a deeper relationship with oneself. Through Guided by Glow, Sayra aims to contribute to a culture that fosters healthy sex lives by combining mindfulness with sensuality to honor the body’s needs without shame.
Resources and links:
Listen to “175: Erotic Touch – Christina Antonyan” on Spreaker.
Christina Antonyan joins me to offer her perspective on erotic touch and its significance in a relationship. We talk about the primal character of attuned touch and how to access it to enhance your sex life without any pressure of reaching a goal.
What got Christina interested in Erotic Touch?
In a one-week seminar on Tantric and Taoist teachings, Christina connected with the world of erotic touch. The seminar involved the activity of women giving pleasure to men and then switching the next day by receiving. It eliminated the pressure to give back at the moment and lead to open up her sense of pleasure. She points out the importance of touch by hands and fingertips as the most sensitive areas of the body. “Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with,” Christina says quoting Carl Jung. Erotic touch enables the energy to flow through the body and reach the genitals while opening up our senses.
This process of Erotic touch emphasizes the concept of receiving and relaxing into pleasure without an obligation to give back immediately. Christina suggests erotic touch as a way to reconnect with your partner during disagreements and when you don’t feel like having sex.
Why is touch so important to us as humans and its significance in a relationship?
Touch is the first form of communication that we experience as babies. It’s how we connect with people, objects, and textures around us. Parents express their love, care, and nurturing through gentle touch, and we lock our memories of that moment in touch because that’s how we received it. And when we lack that touch, we feel disconnected and our energy blocked. Christina gives an instance where she gets a massage to open up her senses and unblock her energy.
What are some common mistakes people make when touching?
Christina points out not being aware as the most common mistakes people make while touching. This constitutes not being present in the moment, making mindless and mechanical movements, and disconnecting with your partner’s body. Christina compares a bad touch with a bad massage that feels unintentional and alien. A partner can sense when you’re occupied by your thoughts during touching or having sex.
How Do You Define What Makes Touch Erotic?
While slow and sensual is one form of erotic touch, many other forms like caressing, stroking, tickling, squeezing, tapping, soft touch, and frim touch come under the erotic touch. Christina says that erotic touch is defined by its intent and awareness rather than the part of the body it’s performed on. Moving further she points out how we as unique individuals experience differently than one another. Most of the time, for instance, during a massage our genitals are skipped. According to Christina, for most women, a lot of sexual energy is held in our thighs and buttocks and when we experience erotic touch in these areas, our energy flows through the body.
Christina talks about “Lingam massage” (penis massage) where men are blindfolded to avoid the person giving the massage becoming their main source of pleasure. The goal is for them to go in their body and experience sensation and pleasure like never before and it applies to women as well. It’s about experiencing non-visual pleasure.
Ways That People Can Practice This Touch With Their Partners
To practice erotic touch with your partners, Christina offers a three-part video series of breast massage, yoni massage, and penis massage. It reaches various hand movements to give different types of touch and experiencing sensations that go along with it ranging from high to low arousal. Christina advises following your intuition and getting creative once you become comfortable with the movements. It can be done by being present and attuned with your partner’s body and observing their reactions to your touch.
Is there any verbal communication that accompanies Erotic Touch?
When it comes to communication during the touch, people have different preferences. While some may like instruction, others might prefer an ongoing dialogue or some may just prefer no talking. She talks about clear communication and saying it right away when something doesn’t feel good. But she also warns us about over-communication and how that would interrupt the flow and make the experience feel “too mechanical”. To make the partner and yourself feel at ease, she suggests several oils that could be used and setting the space with candles and scents and being mindful of the temperature.
Benefits of Erotic Touch and the Difference it Makes in a Couple’s Sex-life.
Erotic touch teaches you how to relax into pleasure and open up to various sensations happening in your body and around you. You connect with your body and your partner’s body on a deeper level where you’re in tune with their desires and your own. People use that sexual arousal to circulate the sexual energy through their bodies. There’s no pressure or an obligation to reach the goal of orgasm and Christina explains it through men’s “in-ejaculation process”. It’s the process to teach men to separate orgasm and ejaculation through erotic touch. It helps you release all the pent-up energy and trauma and sometimes turns into an emotional release, says Christina.
Curiosity is Christina’s driving force, being born during the Soviet Era in a conservative household gave her an insatiable appetite to be curious about the world. She’s multi-passionate, and one of her favorite passions is sexuality. She has a burning desire to change how we talk about sex since culture, media, religion, environment, and tech shape our sexual beliefs and behaviors
Christina specialized in figuring out how Ancient sexual teachings, Tech and Science applies to the human of today, who has endless stimulation options. She’s traveled to over 60 countries, speaking, giving workshops, and learning from her masters. She’s been studying sexuality for more than 14 years. She’s on a mission to bring sexuality out of the Dark Ages where our sexuality becomes the source of our peace and happiness instead of the source of our shame, guilt, trauma, pain, and anxiety.
Resources and Links:
Video Course: https://www.confidentlovers.com/erotic-touch-video-course/
Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar
Listen to “159: Erotic Blueprints – DD Haeg” on Spreaker.
On this episode we hear from DD Haeg who tells about the 5 Erotic Blueprints. She explains that this is a map/ language for how to turn each other on. They consist of the following:
- Energetics : Like to be teased, enjoy anticipation and prefer lighter touch. A sense of spaciousness appeals to them.
- Sensual: These blueprints indulge in all their senses be engaged. Ambience and candles work for them, and they love to be completely engaged.
- Sexuals: Respond to very direct sexual gestures, love nudity and quickies!
- Kinky: These types respond to things that are taboo and will find a power dynamic often at play.
- Shape Shifters: love everything!
DD mentions that sexuals and energetics are the most difficult pairing one could find.
Stacking Erotic Blueprints
People have one main blueprint and also elements of the others- this is called a stack.
If this is new to you, DD suggests that you take her quiz to help you figure our which blueprint is your main blueprint and then understand your stack.
Learning about your stack helps understand the sequence that works for you and this can really help unlock different things you may enjoy. DD discusses the shadow side of these blueprints and what the purpose of knowing your blueprint is. Ultimately this creates a deeper connection between couples.
What works for each blueprint
- Energetics love eye gazing and anticipation. A text message is an example of this.
- Sexuals love nudity so a selfie might help.
- Sensuals would love an essential oil bath.
- Kinky is very dependent on the partner you have!
- Shapeshifter would love all these things.
Links and Resources
Find out more about her Pleasure code program on her website: https://ddhaeg.com/
Take her quiz: https://ry308.isrefer.com/go/EBBCQUIZDHAEG/dhaeg/
For my free webinar, How to Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT making them feel pressure or obligation, go here: https://www.intimacywithease.com/training
DD Haeg is an international retreat leader, embodiment educator and certified erotic blueprint coach. She’s the founder of The Pleasure Code,™ empowering retreats and online programs that tap into the principles of permission, pleasure and play to help women shift out of overwhelm and into more juiciness and joy.
Over the last two decades, DD has travelled to 35 countries, taught hundreds of yoga and meditation classes, and taken more than 1000 hours of pleasure-focused training including Orgasmic Meditation, tantra, massage therapy, and more. She holds a master’s degree in intercultural studies and currently lives in Denver with her two kiddos.
My guest today is Jennifer Valli. She has been on the show before to share her expertise and we’re very fortunate to have her back!
Jenifer has a Ph.D., has 26 years of clinical experience in psychiatry, and is an experienced therapist an AASECT-certified sex therapist and educator. She is professionally involved with many different publications including Men’s Fitness Magazine, and she did Post-Grad work in Sexual Health at the University of Michigan. These are just a few of her notable accomplishments and qualifications.
Most applicable to this particular episode is her training in fetishes/paraphilias through Johns Hopkins University. Within this talk, she explores the complex world of fetishes, and how we should approach them, some theories on their starting points, as well as ways to normalize atypical arousal.