Listen to “175: Erotic Touch – Christina Antonyan” on Spreaker.
Christina Antonyan joins me to offer her perspective on erotic touch and its significance in a relationship. We talk about the primal character of attuned touch and how to access it to enhance your sex life without any pressure of reaching a goal.
What got Christina interested in Erotic Touch?
In a one-week seminar on Tantric and Taoist teachings, Christina connected with the world of erotic touch. The seminar involved the activity of women giving pleasure to men and then switching the next day by receiving. It eliminated the pressure to give back at the moment and lead to open up her sense of pleasure. She points out the importance of touch by hands and fingertips as the most sensitive areas of the body. “Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with,” Christina says quoting Carl Jung. Erotic touch enables the energy to flow through the body and reach the genitals while opening up our senses.
This process of Erotic touch emphasizes the concept of receiving and relaxing into pleasure without an obligation to give back immediately. Christina suggests erotic touch as a way to reconnect with your partner during disagreements and when you don’t feel like having sex.
Why is touch so important to us as humans and its significance in a relationship?
Touch is the first form of communication that we experience as babies. It’s how we connect with people, objects, and textures around us. Parents express their love, care, and nurturing through gentle touch, and we lock our memories of that moment in touch because that’s how we received it. And when we lack that touch, we feel disconnected and our energy blocked. Christina gives an instance where she gets a massage to open up her senses and unblock her energy.
What are some common mistakes people make when touching?
Christina points out not being aware as the most common mistakes people make while touching. This constitutes not being present in the moment, making mindless and mechanical movements, and disconnecting with your partner’s body. Christina compares a bad touch with a bad massage that feels unintentional and alien. A partner can sense when you’re occupied by your thoughts during touching or having sex.
How Do You Define What Makes Touch Erotic?
While slow and sensual is one form of erotic touch, many other forms like caressing, stroking, tickling, squeezing, tapping, soft touch, and frim touch come under the erotic touch. Christina says that erotic touch is defined by its intent and awareness rather than the part of the body it’s performed on. Moving further she points out how we as unique individuals experience differently than one another. Most of the time, for instance, during a massage our genitals are skipped. According to Christina, for most women, a lot of sexual energy is held in our thighs and buttocks and when we experience erotic touch in these areas, our energy flows through the body.
Christina talks about “Lingam massage” (penis massage) where men are blindfolded to avoid the person giving the massage becoming their main source of pleasure. The goal is for them to go in their body and experience sensation and pleasure like never before and it applies to women as well. It’s about experiencing non-visual pleasure.
Ways That People Can Practice This Touch With Their Partners
To practice erotic touch with your partners, Christina offers a three-part video series of breast massage, yoni massage, and penis massage. It reaches various hand movements to give different types of touch and experiencing sensations that go along with it ranging from high to low arousal. Christina advises following your intuition and getting creative once you become comfortable with the movements. It can be done by being present and attuned with your partner’s body and observing their reactions to your touch.
Is there any verbal communication that accompanies Erotic Touch?
When it comes to communication during the touch, people have different preferences. While some may like instruction, others might prefer an ongoing dialogue or some may just prefer no talking. She talks about clear communication and saying it right away when something doesn’t feel good. But she also warns us about over-communication and how that would interrupt the flow and make the experience feel “too mechanical”. To make the partner and yourself feel at ease, she suggests several oils that could be used and setting the space with candles and scents and being mindful of the temperature.
Benefits of Erotic Touch and the Difference it Makes in a Couple’s Sex-life.
Erotic touch teaches you how to relax into pleasure and open up to various sensations happening in your body and around you. You connect with your body and your partner’s body on a deeper level where you’re in tune with their desires and your own. People use that sexual arousal to circulate the sexual energy through their bodies. There’s no pressure or an obligation to reach the goal of orgasm and Christina explains it through men’s “in-ejaculation process”. It’s the process to teach men to separate orgasm and ejaculation through erotic touch. It helps you release all the pent-up energy and trauma and sometimes turns into an emotional release, says Christina.
Curiosity is Christina’s driving force, being born during the Soviet Era in a conservative household gave her an insatiable appetite to be curious about the world. She’s multi-passionate, and one of her favorite passions is sexuality. She has a burning desire to change how we talk about sex since culture, media, religion, environment, and tech shape our sexual beliefs and behaviors
Christina specialized in figuring out how Ancient sexual teachings, Tech and Science applies to the human of today, who has endless stimulation options. She’s traveled to over 60 countries, speaking, giving workshops, and learning from her masters. She’s been studying sexuality for more than 14 years. She’s on a mission to bring sexuality out of the Dark Ages where our sexuality becomes the source of our peace and happiness instead of the source of our shame, guilt, trauma, pain, and anxiety.
Resources and Links:
Video Course: https://www.confidentlovers.com/erotic-touch-video-course/
Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar
Listen to “159: Erotic Blueprints – DD Haeg” on Spreaker.
On this episode we hear from DD Haeg who tells about the 5 Erotic Blueprints. She explains that this is a map/ language for how to turn each other on. They consist of the following:
- Energetics : Like to be teased, enjoy anticipation and prefer lighter touch. A sense of spaciousness appeals to them.
- Sensual: These blueprints indulge in all their senses be engaged. Ambience and candles work for them, and they love to be completely engaged.
- Sexuals: Respond to very direct sexual gestures, love nudity and quickies!
- Kinky: These types respond to things that are taboo and will find a power dynamic often at play.
- Shape Shifters: love everything!
DD mentions that sexuals and energetics are the most difficult pairing one could find.
Stacking Erotic Blueprints
People have one main blueprint and also elements of the others- this is called a stack.
If this is new to you, DD suggests that you take her quiz to help you figure our which blueprint is your main blueprint and then understand your stack.
Learning about your stack helps understand the sequence that works for you and this can really help unlock different things you may enjoy. DD discusses the shadow side of these blueprints and what the purpose of knowing your blueprint is. Ultimately this creates a deeper connection between couples.
What works for each blueprint
- Energetics love eye gazing and anticipation. A text message is an example of this.
- Sexuals love nudity so a selfie might help.
- Sensuals would love an essential oil bath.
- Kinky is very dependent on the partner you have!
- Shapeshifter would love all these things.
Links and Resources
Find out more about her Pleasure code program on her website: https://ddhaeg.com/
Take her quiz: https://ry308.isrefer.com/go/EBBCQUIZDHAEG/dhaeg/
For my free webinar, How to Help Your Partner Want More Sex WITHOUT making them feel pressure or obligation, go here: https://www.intimacywithease.com/training
DD Haeg is an international retreat leader, embodiment educator and certified erotic blueprint coach. She’s the founder of The Pleasure Code,™ empowering retreats and online programs that tap into the principles of permission, pleasure and play to help women shift out of overwhelm and into more juiciness and joy.
Over the last two decades, DD has travelled to 35 countries, taught hundreds of yoga and meditation classes, and taken more than 1000 hours of pleasure-focused training including Orgasmic Meditation, tantra, massage therapy, and more. She holds a master’s degree in intercultural studies and currently lives in Denver with her two kiddos.
My guest today is Jennifer Valli. She has been on the show before to share her expertise and we’re very fortunate to have her back!
Jenifer has a Ph.D., has 26 years of clinical experience in psychiatry, and is an experienced therapist an AASECT-certified sex therapist and educator. She is professionally involved with many different publications including Men’s Fitness Magazine, and she did Post-Grad work in Sexual Health at the University of Michigan. These are just a few of her notable accomplishments and qualifications.
Most applicable to this particular episode is her training in fetishes/paraphilias through Johns Hopkins University. Within this talk, she explores the complex world of fetishes, and how we should approach them, some theories on their starting points, as well as ways to normalize atypical arousal.
Sexual Fantasies and Eroticism
I know I say it often, but this topic is one of my favorites. In this episode, I talk with Dr. Justin Lehmiller about the all-important topic of sexual fantasies.
Justin is a celebrated speaker, researcher, author, and a very effective educator on the psychology of sexuality. His blog Sex and Psychology gets millions of visitors every year, and he regularly contributes his writing to major publications. This talk about his research is guided by his expertise and experience in the field.
Listen to “89: Dr. Justin Lehmiller – Sexual Fantasies” on Spreaker.
The Most Common Sexual Fantasies
Justin says that when he surveyed almost 4,200 Americans from 2014 to 2016, the most common fantasies encompassed 7 different themes.
- Multi-partner sex
- Novelty, Adventure & Variety
- Taboo activities
- Emotional connection and fulfillment
- Homoeroticism and gender-bending
Justin describes these as the building blocks of fantasies, meaning that they are not mutually exclusive and many overlap. For example, you can very well dip your toes into multiple categories in your own personal fantasy life.
Are people ashamed of their fantasies?
As Justin states, he found that men reported more shame about their fantasies than women. Overall, the majority of study participants reported that they held a positive relationship with their fantasies, but there were still some who felt negative emotions towards their fantasy.
Another important thing he found during his research is that just sharing sexual fantasies can open up eroticism and alleviate feelings of embarrassment or shame for having certain fantasies.
The Differences between Men and Women regarding fantasy
Although the data showed that both sexes share a lot of commonalities, there were still some marked differences.
Men had more multi-partner fantasies than women did. And women had more fantasies about emotional connection with a partner. Women also had way more BDSM fantasies than men by a large margin. In addition, men usually had a specific person in mind during their fantasies, and the women-focused more on the setting and environment overall. Justin also found that the LGBTQ community had more sexually adventurous fantasies, as well as taboo fantasies.
Justin provides some insight on why women might like BDSM more than men, as well as the LGBTQ community and their sexual fantasy preferences. Listen in for that.
Sexual Fantasy by Personality Type
Justin shares some interesting insight on the correlation between personality type and sexual fantasy. For example, those who are more extroverted by nature will be more outgoing the bedroom. And for those who are ‘agreeable’ personality types, there will be a higher incidence of focusing on their partner’s sexual satisfaction in the bedroom.
He also talks about what conscientiousness has to do with fantasies, as well as self-esteem.
“Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar”
Justin says that sexual fantasies don’t really have to mean all that much. They can offer a glimpse into something deeper, but for the most part they are just a product of your environment and genetic makeup and can be left out of the examination room. Fantasies can be a good evaluative road map to follow for your own unique sexual satisfaction, though.
But when talking about sexual traumas, there were small connections between sexual victimization and types of fantasies. But there was a lot of inconsistency in the data.
Hear Justin explain the data on this subject.
How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner
Justin says that before you share with your partner, you first have to feel good about yourself. You aren’t alone in your fantasies, so there’s a normalization that needs to first occur.
He says to lay low and start slow. A gradual buildup for disclosing your fantasies to your partner is much more powerful than an overwhelming information dump!
He also goes into detail on how important sharing is for increasing overall sexual desire and satisfaction within the relationship.
Key Links for Justin:
Affiliate link for Justin’s book: Tell Me What You Want : https://amzn.to/2ZPPezs
His website: https://www.lehmiller.com/
Justin Lehmiller Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/psychologyofsex/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/
The topic today is eroticism, which is our unique fingerprint of what turns us on. It’s a set of things or the theme of things that really arouses us – that we find highly interesting and erotic. We all have the things that we prefer in sex and things that we find more arousing than others. This is a useful concept and area of inquiry if we’re going to make our sex life as good as we can.