#185 – Cultivating Female Desire – Dr. Brandye Manigat

#185 – Cultivating Female Desire – Dr. Brandye Manigat

Listen to “185: Cultivating Female Desire – Dr. Brandye Manigat”

Cultivating Female Desire 

For all of the women who have ever wanted to feel sexy again; Dr. Brandye Manigat joins me in talking about cultivating pleasure and desire and reconnecting with one’s libido. She shares her insights and discoveries throughout her journey of becoming a Women’s Pleasure Coach. 

Her personal experience around low libido, as well as a lack of public information surrounding the topic, motivated Dr. Manigat to go from being an OB/GYN to a Women’s Pleasure Coach, helping women to achieve lasting change in the perception of their bodies and desire. 

Teaching People About Arousal and Desire 

Dr. Manigat’s teaching around arousal and desire involves having a conversation with the client about what their thoughts and ideas about sex and pleasure are, and where they stem from. These ideas are often learned through family and culture and are influenced by movies. Having a conversation about what an orgasm means to them and the steps they can take to consistently have an orgasm can help women to erase insecurities and achieve pleasure. 

When to Get Help? 

Dr. Manigat urges people to seek help when the lack of desire disrupts daily life. Sex drive is inconsistent through various stages of life; having kids, divorce, pre-menopause, menopause, etcetera. Though women can be technically diagnosed with Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), not all women meet the criteria. This does not mean that they should not get help. 

How to get in touch with desire? 

Dr. Manigat recommends journaling as a way to untangle one’s thoughts and emotions. She gives prompts to clients, such as what makes them feel sexy outside the bedroom. These prompts reveal things that could be practiced in everyday life, which helps transition pleasure both in and out of the bedroom. 

Low Libido at Different Ages 

Menopause doesn’t necessarily cause low libido; however, you could experience low libido for the same reasons as before, such as fatigue and interrupted sleep, which causes depression, which in turn affects the libido. Medication taken during menopause could also lower libido. Young women could overcome low libido by reconnecting with their partner through meaningful conversations about dreams, sexual experiences, new fantasies and attempting to rekindle their intimacy. 

Approaches to Help Women Struggling With Orgasms 

Dr. Manigat advises women to educate themselves about their anatomy and multiple pleasure points and how to stimulate them to orgasm. Furthermore, she also emphasizes people being present and mindful during sex, to focus on any of the five senses to keep you in the present. Women who have never had an orgasm can educate themselves about the different ways orgasms manifest and the sensations one would feel. 

Take Away 

She leaves us with a valuable affirmation, saying, “You are worthy and deserving of pleasure. You don’t have to work to earn it, it’s not something you’ve to strive for.” 


Dr. Brandye Wilson-Manigat, MD, also known as “Dr. Brandye”, is among the country’s well-known physicians. As a board-certified OB/GYN and Women’s Pleasure Coach, she brings a unique approach to women’s sexual health, achieving a holistic integration of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual elements of you. This creates lasting positive change in how you view yourself, your body, and your pleasure. She is called upon by various local and national media outlets to give a fresh perspective and new information on women’s health trends. 

Dr. Brandye is the founder and chief medical advisor for DrBrandyeMD.com, where she has created a safe space to discuss real-world strategies to help women learn the truth about sex and orgasms and embrace their feminine essence, and feel good both inside and outside of the bedroom. Her book, “My O My! A Committed Woman’s Guide to Getting the Great Sex She Deserves”, is an Amazon #1 Bestseller and has helped numerous women to live their Best. Sex. Life. Ever! 

Resources and Links: 

Website: https://drbrandyemd.com/ 

Bio hacks pdf- http://biohacksforbettersex.com 

Sessions: https://drbrandyemd.com/services/ 

Book: My O My!: A Committed Woman’s Guide to Getting the Great Sex She Deserves 

More info and resources:
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
#174 – How Men Can Talk About Their Sexual Desires – Shana James

#174 – How Men Can Talk About Their Sexual Desires – Shana James

Listen to “174: How Men Can Talk About Their Sexual Desires – Shana James”

How men can talk about their sexual desires  

In this episode, Shana James shares how men can talk about their desires and their vulnerability toward having a thriving sex life. 

Shana’s drive to support and guide people into a healthier relationship stems from her younger self who was confused and wanted to understand what a healthy relationship looked like. Now, Shana’s work on communication extends beyond men and can be applied to all heterosexual relationships. 

Communication Breakdowns in a Relationship 

According to Shana, the most important part of communication in relationships that people need to improve is respect. Drawing on personal experience, Shana suggests that we reflect on the way we treat our partners. While trust is built on actions, words have the power to shake that foundation. Our emotional responses, like name-calling and blaming, are a part of that communication that needs to be fixed for a healthy relationship. 

What Makes a Lower Desire Partner Say No to Sex? 

A partner can push their lower-desire partner away from saying yes to sex when their conversation takes a turn into complaining and blaming. Instead, Shana suggests having a conversation filled with passion, excitement, and collaboration. Asking questions about what their desires are and talking about what you want to try is a good way to bring them around the idea of opening up about their wants. Depending on the tone of our conversations, lower desire partners can feel the blame and put off their desires. “Innately, there’s nothing wrong with our desires”, Shana says while urging people to work through their desires and initiate collaboration. 

Shame Around Expressing Sexual Desires 

Shame is one of the biggest hurdles people feel around their desires that makes them say no to affectionate advances or sex. Their partners can offer them a safe space to express those desires by fulfilling their desires outside the bedroom – to be seen and understood. Shana says it’s a collaborative effort of both partners to connect and form an intimate and emotional bond outside the bedroom. It enforces their trust to be playful and explore each other’s bodies, what they like and need, and what you like and need. It’s an experimentation-stye approach of constantly being curious about each other’s desires and your own. It helps face the shame and fears with compassion and love. 

How To Make Your Partner Feel Safe to Be Aroused & Sexual 

Shana’s advice to make your partner feel safe and comfortable to be sexual is to be vulnerable and honest with your reasons for wanting that experience. Unlike many assume, men do feel the need to have sex to connect and bond on a deeper level or to express the love they feel. It’s a way to leave behind the stresses of the day and focus on being a good partner. Shana also points out that when we assume the best of our partner, we start to understand where they’re coming from and show more compassion towards their needs and our own, that’s how collaboration is possible. 

Advice on How to Have Vulnerable Conversations 

Having conversations about desires and needs can be difficult for many, and Shana advises people to communicate before having sex. The conversation could be about how we’re treating each other in terms of respect and acknowledging each other’s wants and needs. During the conversation, it’s important to hear what the other person is saying and instead of dismissing an idea, try entertaining the thought. You can brainstorm with your partner about how they can accommodate you in a way you feel safe and comfortable to try this new thing. This is where curiosity comes into play, says Shana. In terms of putting your desires forward, Shana suggests the ABC communication method. When you put an idea forward and get a “B” response from your partner that’s surprising, instead of walking away try asking what caused them to respond in that way and be curious to find out. 

Final Thoughts 

Shana leaves us with a reminder to have those vulnerable conversations in the moment and avoid the build-up of resentment and irritation. Having conversations about sex during a casual time other than in the bedroom can boost that habit of collaboration and teamwork. She also suggests making your pleasure your responsibility by getting to know your body better. She urges people to be playful with sex and not keep orgasm as a goal and be exploratory with it. 


For 15 years Shana coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers, and people with big visions to find love, rekindle the spark, step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, increase their impact, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled. 

Referred to as a secret weapon, she cuts through distraction and provides direct access to confidence, power, and clarity. She is also a translator between women and men, providing effective tools to transform conversations and dynamics that have gone awry into connection and collaboration. 

With an M.A. in psychology, DISC certification, Coaching training, more than a decade facilitating groups and workshops, starting multiple businesses, and helping hundreds of entrepreneurs start their own, her range of skills is unlike many. 

Resources and Links:  

Website: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ 

TEDx talk: https://shanajamescoaching.com/tedx/ 

Guides: https://shanajamescoaching.com/dating-guide/ 

More info and resources:
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
#166 – Communicating Sexual Desires and Boundaries – Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez

#166 – Communicating Sexual Desires and Boundaries – Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez

Listen to “166: Communicating Sexual Desires and Boundaries – Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez”

Communicating desires and boundaries 

In this episode, Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez talks all about how to understand and communicate your own desires and boundaries to your partner. Today’s topic of discussion lines up with the four pillars of Intimacy with Ease Method to help you have the best sex of your life! We hear talks of red flags, tips on how to work with your partner around these aspects, and most importantly, real life applications. 

Is it One conversation? 

Communicating desires and boundaries are put together in a conversation because when people are engaged in making sure everyone is having the best time possible, criminalized behavior is unlikely. While sharing her views, Yael points out the stigma around the conversation of consent and sexual assault. 

Why is communication so important?  

It’s important to understand our method of communication. Yael tells people to reflect on how they communicate their sexual or non-sexual needs. While communication could mostly be verbal, it’s important to recognize the meaning of the cues you give off and to make sure people in your life are aware of it. It avoids unclear messages and conflict. 

Reasons why people struggle communicating about sex 

Yael says there are several reason why someone struggles communicating about sex. It could be revealed when you ask yourself questions of who and why. Your anxiousness could be the result of a sex taboo, shame around your own pleasure, or the expectation of knowing what’s wrong in your sexual relationship without any proper communication with your partner. For some people with insecurity, Yael advices to make communication sexy by asking what you want and by validating your partner during sex. And for someone with shame around pleasure, you should question the series of incidents like getting caught that resulted in it. You become confident in communicating about sex by undoing these patterns. 

Myths around sexual communication 

Yael breaks down some of the myths around sexual communication. People overemphasize penetration during sex. People believe sex is enjoyable only with penetration and they neglect oral sex. For a lot of people arousal happens before the penetration and it’s important to be in tune with your own arousal to effectively communicate it with your partner. Yael also breaks down myths around sexual chemistry. People assume their partner would just know what they want because of the sexual chemistry they both have. While it could be true for some people, Yael says it’s mostly communication and putting in the work that’s important. Communicating your desires doesn’t mean there’s no chemistry. Yael also talks about instances where people mistake their lack of sexual chemistry or interest as being asexual when in reality, it could mean either that they are asexual or that they didn’t find the right partner or gender. It’s important to be aware of your own sexual desires to be able to communicate effectively. 

Communication about boundaries before or during sex? 

Yael advices people who experienced sexual violence or trauma to be aware of some of the things that act as triggers, keeping in mind that triggers may change. In those instances, it’s advisable to talk about your boundaries with your partner before sex to avoid activating these triggers. She also urges people to communicate their needs and tell them how their partner can help them create a safe space. You can also have a conversation before sex about things you want to try or things you might want to try and things that you don’t want to try. 

How does respecting these boundaries look like? 

When you have a trigger or feel uncomfortable doing something, your partner should be supportive in accepting you. They should be patient to wait and listen when you’re ready to talk about it and not put blame on you. This is how respecting boundaries looks like Yael’s view. 

Reasons why people don’t respond well to boundaries 

Yael believes some people don’t respond well in these situations because of either being caught off guard or because of their surfacing insecurity and doubts. There are also instances where people take it as a “challenge to teach you,” thinking it will help you overcome what makes you uncomfortable. While Yael says shifts may occur, it’s likely to occur in a supportive environment rather than to occur by force. Yael also brings up an interesting reason where people are unsupportive because they’re missing out on something they enjoy. Yael gives a solution for this that she says could come as unpopular among people is to seek those things outside the relationship after having a clear conversation and make an ethical and consensual decision. 

Sometimes a partner could feel like an abuser when in these situations. And a lot of times people let their partner do things they’re uncomfortable with to avoid making them feel like a violator. In this situation, it’s best to take a break before deciding whether or not to have a conversation. 

What to do when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries? 

Yael shares some of the red flags to recognize when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries like putting the blame on you, pushing you and shaming you. When your boundaries are not respected, it’s time to walk away. Yael asks people to re-evaluate the value of that person in your life and re-evaluate the reasons you’re keeping them around. She points out the reality of how we’re not taught to make boundaries or talk about how a healthy relationship looks like. It’s one of the reasons why many people don’t recognize a non-physical unhealthy relationship. 

Finally, Yael leaves us with a thought provoking fact that boundaries are not always meant to be physical. Boundaries can also be made for time, space and the emotional energy you spend. She says boundaries can be set to things like letting people share their emotions to setting a time and place to send and receive nudes. 

Resources and Links:  

Website: https://sexpositiveyou.com/

Website: https://www.yaelrosenstock.com/  

Book – An Intro-Guide to a Sex Positive You: Lessons, Tales, and Tips  


Courses: https://sexpositiveyou.com/#workwithme 

Instagram: @yaelthesexgeek 

Facebook: @YaeltheSexGeek 

Twitter: @yaelthesexgeek 

More info and resources:
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
#165 – Stepping Into Your Feminine Wild – Natalie Frasca Surmeli

#165 – Stepping Into Your Feminine Wild – Natalie Frasca Surmeli

Listen to “165: Stepping Into Your Feminine Wild – Natalie Frasca Surmeli”

Natalie Frasca Surmeli is here today to talk about stepping into your feminine wild and what it means. This episode talks of awakening feminine desire and pleasure by slowing down and getting familiar with your own body. Natalie shares her insight of pleasure practices, practicing a new way of being and why it matters.

Natalie’s Story – what did she unlock?

Natalie shares the story of her journey that brought her into this path of discovery. Being a mom of 3 at a brink of divorce, overwhelmed and falling into depression, she sought out her therapist’s advice to slow down. The scientist in her rattled between the ideas of the universe guiding her and a lack of proof. When she gave in to the idea she realized that her presence, her actions and what she puts out into the world matters.

She came to a realization that doing more and working harder is not the answer to a fulfilled life. Natalie works with women in teaching pleasure practices to help them slow down and reconnect with their desires, which ultimately leads to a better sex life and intimacy.

Reconnecting with your body – Gender difference

When it comes to exploring self it doesn’t matter where on the gender spectrum you are or who your partner is. Natalie gives yoga, meditation and movement practices as examples to get in touch with your desires. It’s important to be intimate with your body and self before sharing it with your partner.

Advice that drove her away from divorce

Natalie points out advice from her father and later from therapy that drove her away from divorce. To obtain different results you have to start doing things differently. She says it’s a commitment, a process that takes time. It’s intentional work put forth by both partners to grow together. Natalie also talks about introspection. She points out that it’s your partner’s greatest pleasure to please. It’s less of a responsibility and more of a desire and a learning curve to discover what you like.

Pleasure Practices

Natalie gives out a few please practices to implement in getting to know yourself. To explore your body in a sensual way, to discover new areas of your body, she suggests self-oil massage, dance practice with closed eyes and mirror staring in the morning. There’s a number of things we are not taught about our own body and pleasure and it’s time that we explore it. Desire can be accessed in all moments of our life. Awareness practices in which we think about things that make us feel good. Natalie describes these things as the most simple and mundane activities we perform just for the sake of our pleasure. She suggests writing down 3 big to-do things for the day and something else that gives you pleasure. For Natalie, it’s taking a walk in the woods. Make a conscious effort to recognize the simple pleasures of your day and gradually transfer it to sexuality.

What ifs

Women who want to make a change, Natalie says, they’ve to make a choice. A choice to take out time from their busy life, reach out and make a commitment. For all the time spent in taking care of everyone around, it’s time to regain that energy for yourself.

Benefits of non-sexual pleasure

Natalie emphasizes non-sexual pleasure with self and a partner. Natalie calls to embrace the human being’s desire to be seen and to surrender. The greatest intimacy with a partner or with yourself can be built by exploring your bodies.

Feminine and Masculine energy

Natalie describes feminine energy as desire, surrender, flow and creation. Feminine energy calls to slow down while masculine energy strives to move forward and achieve. A balance is needed to be formed between the two for an individual to embrace it to the fullest. It’s the same for all genders.

How to have a conversation about sexuality with kids?

Natalie offers her insight on how to have conversations with kids about sexuality by giving an example of her daughters. She starts by talking about masturbation. She says it’s their duty to get to know their bodies and to explore their own pleasure before exploring it with a partner. She reflects on her own childhood when these conversations didn’t exist in her catholic family. Unlike her upbringing when she was taught bodies to be shameful, she makes it a principle to encourage these hard conversations in her family. It goes beyond sexuality to everyday tasks. Natalie and her family prioritizes activities that excite them and family time over extra math classes. “It’s about making space to explore other interests”, as Natalie says.


Natalie Frasca Surmeli is the founder of “Tribe of Wolves”, a mentor, coach, speaker and a mom of 3. She guides women to explore their feminine wild by making a “Feminine plan”. She teaches the fundamentals of Divine Feminine, Divine Masculine and Universal Energy and how to tap into these energies every day. She helps women reconnect with their self and bodies using pleasure practices.

Resources and Links:

Website: ​Tribe of Wolves
Facebook Group: Tribe of Wolves: Women Who Want MORE

More info and resources:
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
#135 – Optimal Sexual Experiences – Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz

#135 – Optimal Sexual Experiences – Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz

Listen to “135: Optimal Sexual Experiences – Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz”

Optimal Sexual Experiences 

On this episode, Dr Kleinplatz introduces her findings around “optimal sexual experiences” based on actual interviews she performed. After much research, she shares these eight components couples need to have to eventually reach an optimal sexual experience: 

  1. Being totally absorbed in the moment 
  2. Sharing a connection with  your partner 
  3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy 
  4. High levels of empathic communication 
  5. Fun, laughter, exploration and good risk-taking 
  6. Authenticity 
  7. Vulnerability 
  8. Transcendence 

Her findings show that people begin to seek these experiences around their mid 50’s. Part of the process of discovery is unlearning much of what we know about sex growing up. Spontaneity arises as one of the behaviors to “unlearn “ as Peggy candidly shares her views on this. 

Anyone can get there! 

Peggy has found that people with chronic illness are enjoying magnificent sex! In an unexpected twist of events, Peggy’s co-workers proved that presumed stereotypes are false. She shares that consent is a major piece of the puzzle and contributes to empathic communication. 

Peggy educates us about moving from good to magnificent sex explaining that getting to know each other on an ongoing basis builds trust to explore deeper levels of your relationship. 

We learn about differentiation and how it impacts reaching optimal sexual experiences while identifying that therapy has to be customized to each individual. 

To reach for the optimal sexual experience goal, Peggy highlights that respect for each other is crucial. 

Resources and Links 

Website: www.optimalsexualexperiences.com 

Book: Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers (routledge.com/9780367181376) 


Peggy J. Kleinplatz, Ph.D., is a Professor in the Faculty of Medicine and Director of Sex and Couples Therapy Training at the University of Ottawa, Canada. She was awarded the Prix d?Excellence in 2000 for her teaching of Human Sexuality. She is a Certified Sex Therapist and Educator.

She is the Director of the Optimal Sexual Experiences Research Team of the University of Ottawa and has a particular interest in sexual health in the elderly, disabled and marginalized populations. 

Kleinplatz has edited four books, notably New Directions in Sex Therapy: 

Innovations and Alternatives (2012), winner of the AASECT 2013 Book Award,  

Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures with Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. (2006) 

Sexuality and Ageing with Walter Bouman, M.D. (2015).  

She is the author with  A. Dana Menard, PhD of Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers 

In 2015, Kleinplatz received the American Association of Sexuality Educators,  Counselors and Therapists Professional Standard of Excellence Award. 

More info and resources:
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

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