Why do so many people start to avoid intimacy or sex?

It actually makes perfect sense when you understand what’s going on. And once you do, you can change it.
I coined the term “sexual avoidance cycle” because I saw that pattern with client after client. Here’s what happens.
When you have sexual experiences that don’t meet your expectations, they seem to go wrong or be a problem, you’re going to have negative feelings about that. I mean, at the least, disappointment. But maybe feelings of inadequacy, fear and worry, resentment, dread, rejection…
It’s human nature to avoid things that make us feel bad. So when sex goes badly often enough, it’s normal to avoid it. Why would you go skipping off to the bedroom if there’s a good chance you’re going to run into those feelings? If you’re going to feel broken, guilty, self conscious, If your partner will be disappointed, sad or frustrated?
The problem is, nothing is going to get better if you avoid it. It doesn’t just solve itself. And in fact, it increases the pressure. There is more pressure on your sex life – we should be having sex, and we’re not. I want sex, and I’m not getting it. But there’s also more pressure on the sex you do have. If you have sex frequently, whatever that is for you, no big deal if one time doesn’t go that well, right? We’ll do it again on Sunday, or whatever. But when sex is infrequent, each time seems to matter more. This time better work or go well because who knows when we’ll do it again. There’s more pressure that it work, that it satisfy, that it disprove our underlying fear that something is wrong.
But how can it go well under this kind of pressure? How can you really relax and enjoy when there’s that much pressure on it? When the stakes feel high? You can’t. You’re way more likely to have a hard time and have yet another encounter that disappoints.
And then round and round you go.
If you’ve been struggling with lack of sex and sexual avoidance, this is probably why. You’ve gotten caught in the cycle, and you need a way out. If your partner seems like they don’t want sex, like they are avoiding it, I can promise you they are stuck in that place of feeling all the negative feelings related to letting you down and sex not going well or being easy. Not wanting sex makes them feel bad, and that makes them avoid the whole thing.
If you want to know more about unlocking their desire and escaping the cycle, I’ve got a video for you about helping them want more sex despite how it’s been going so far.

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