What if I told you someone can go from zero libido to wanting sex again?

I have worked with hundreds and hundreds of couples with desire discrepancy. And often, the “lower desire partner” has little to no libido. Both people think that’s just the way it is.

And I don’t have to tell you that their desire matters. You don’t want them having sex with you as if they’re doing you a favor or checking a box. Both people have to want sex in order for it to be fulfilling.

The truth is that there are two kinds of sex drive, but only tend to know about one. Your partner probably has the other, hidden kind. The kind that needs to be nurtured and coaxed out. The kind shows up after you start, where they end up getting in the mood. But this kind of desire has to be treated differently. It moves slower, it needs the right on ramp, so it needs input from your partner, and it needs “maybe.”

So many couples treat sex like it’s all or nothing. Like if we start this, we need to finish. Like it has to lead to a certain act or outcome. Your partner likely won’t even start if they feel like they are committing to the “whole thing.” You won’t even get a chance to tap into their desire if they feel that kind of pressure.

It’s also true that they are probably up against real obstacles! Legitimate things that block their desire or affect their sexual functioning or pleasure. Think about the long list of things can affect people’s sexual interest: body image issues, depression and anxiety, work stress, relationship issues, trauma, grief, overwhelm, shame and inexperience, and pressure.

It’s crucial that you move as many obstacles out of the way as well as create space for that hidden desire.

So when it comes to making sex easy and fun again, you need a way to both want sex. I’ve got a video showing you that you can help your partner want sex again so it never feels like a chore and you can have a sex life that is truly fulfilling for both of you.

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